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Hey there Lum. It is I, lizz dropping in between posts on the tag book because I need something else to do while avoiding homework.
I'm setting the timer right now and we've got ten minutes in 3...2...1

I don't think I've ever come across any of your poetry pieces mostly because I try to avoid two types of people in the green room: good poems and mods. That being said, your poems get passed over a lot by the review sword. I find the combination of the formatting interesting, the sort of separation of two things, the description first then the actual action. It's a bit dramatic but I'm guessing that's the purpose. The undercase "i"s are also dramatic, as they should be, a quality I like and most people hate for some reason.

None of the other reviewers complained about the grammatical violation aspect of this so I guess that was a win for you to avoid that wrath of people. The first line caught my attention because I wanted to see if it was going to fall under the whole literal/figurative battle. I'm thinking it's being compared to overcoming life somehow. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I just want to see it as serial killers and a guy going bike riding through the park and remembering going bike riding with someone he loved. Maybe I'm thinking a bit too far into this.

Alright three minutes to go so let's see what I can get done.
Overall thought is that I liked it for a reason I can't describe because I usually don't think good things about poetry. Some of the imagery is here and there, giving mixed emotions to the reader but I can't really be sure of anything since I don't have the greatest focus on this review. The ending line can be seen as a powerful recollection, which is how I'm going to choose to see it as.

Hello! Here to give you a review! Alright, where to begin,

I'm going to start off by saying that I truly do admire that you were courageous enough a poet to use a lower-case "i" because I'm sure so many others would fear the grammatical flaw of doing such an otherwise chaotic thing, but because of the title and description that you provided about this poem, it's a truly great thing.

The first stanza is a great opening to the poem in it's entirety because it's a bit strange to read. Even the first line--

"i can ride my bike standing up,"

it's peculiar to look at both mechanically and emotionally.

"flood through the park with shirttail flaring;"

I thoroughly enjoy that you used the words "flood" and "flaring," as the alliterative qualities of those to words bring introduction and closure to that line very well.

"i can splash through leaves and roil in their fiery snaps."
Again, splash-- what a perfect and yet so out of place word. The "fiery snaps" are another astounding quality of this work. The imagery is on-point.

"it's the way my life makes sense, see, because"

I love that you ended this line incompletely-- it furthers the entire aura of the piece with a questioning hue to it.

"as long as you roar louder than i scream
our time will be unending."

Admittedly, I have no idea how to manifest this finale in my mind. It didn't impact me, hit me, shock me-- nothin'. But then, I have to wonder, why would I expect it to? This piece is melodic and strange and mysterious, so the surrealism of it all perfectly executes it's magical sounds.

"it's unjustified,
the way i can't hold my eyes open
while you pick apart my insides"

Thank you for having the words "unjustified" and "insides" acting like bookends to this little stanza-like bunch of words. It softens the blow of the strangeness wonderfully. The meaning of the piece is still a bit airy, but it certainly seems as if that was your every intention.

" heart from lung from broken bones.
i want to watch you work,
watch your fingers brush forgotten skin.

it's a sickness you've given me;
not the nadir of anger or the way the wind hits my face,
but the way i can't trust in any of it."

As for this, the rest of the piece, I won't shed heavy details, because most of it is all of the same nature that I previously wrote. What I will touch on is how natural the piece seemed to be for you to write. Nothing here seemed in any way forced-- that's a wonderful, strong quality for writing to possess. Aside that, I still struggled to, as I've said before, grasp in full the concepts of your art work. I'm not quite sure who the "you"mentioned might be-- a lover, a criminal, or something of any polar nature, which prevents the poem from being particularly plot-like, however it is all in the good favor of the tone of this piece.

Very good! Keep writing,

xoxo
Kitty Bee

Oh my dear goodness, you've given me chills. The vocabulary is perfect and the imagery is spot on. I understand the topic somewhat, barely enough to understand this a little, and at first I read the title as solipsistic, read the poem and went "hey, that's not fear!" But that's been corrected.

The white space is wonderful. It creates a similar effect that white out poetry creates which I absolutely adore. And the way you end it clears up a lot of what was Said which i think is always nice for the readers.

This reminded me quite a bit of Descartes and his words, "I think, therefore I am." Don't think it's connected though...so...
Thanks for sharing!

the grey reality

Nice view point. I feel like you defined your title perfectly in the poem.

The way that this poem was put together is absolute genius, and the title adds even more to it. I love the way you chose your vocabulary for this poem; the words are complex, but they're not just thrown in there willy-nilly, like you looked them up in a dictionary and slapped them in there to sound smart. They're used well and used in context to add to the poem, and the poem itself is beautiful. I love the structure of the poem as well, and the unique use of the white space, almost as if there's supposed to be a long pause from the end of the line to the beginning of the next.

The beginning of the poem reminds me of the song "Handlebars", which made me like it even more, actually (haha). The poem is short, but it holds a lot of meaning and a lot of story to the poem. From what I gather, it seems to be about a person who is unsure of even their own existence, although the poem is titled "solipsism", the end of the poem makes it seem as though they question even their existence. This poem brings the phrase "I think, therefore I am" into mind and bathes it in an entirely new light. You could've gone in many different directions with this, but I'm glad you chose this one.

I give this poem a 10/10, absolutely beautiful. Keep on writing!

Oh my God. This is so pretty. I can picture everything going on here, and it is both beautiful and slightly disturbing, in a good way.

If I was you, I would capitalize the Is, but maybe that was a style choice on your part, I'm not sure.

Lumi,

Before I even finished your poem, more specifically, once I read the end of your first stanza, I embellished your poem a star. You're vocabulary is amazing here. How all your words fit together so well. It's really intriguing to read.

I can't even tell what my favourite part was, to be honest. Maybe the second stanza because of how well you wove your words into pictures. But I do love the ending, the last line, because it explains the conflict the narrator is having.

My only confusion is the title to the poem. As explained in your description, solipsism, is the fear of being the only one to exist, but to the contrary, in your piece, it's as if the narrator could not feel what they are feeling without the other person initiating it. I guess what I mean is that they didn't talk about what it would be like to be forever alone, but what it's like to see everything and not have it. At least, that's what I have gotten from it. So if you wanna tell me your POV, that'd be great

Keep expressing.

-Percybeth