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140,177 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
good god how have I never seen this before
I'd forgotten this one! Now I want to edit it.
doitdoitdoit
LUMI LUMI LUMI! It's Mr. Powers here, with another fun and exciting review! Today, I'll be looking at your poem, called "i will watch you from the earth".
"one: you will not see earth from heaven."
"two: you may never find home again."
"three: never was there a verse written by a healthy man."
"four: the waiting room to heaven is not smoke-free."
All these little things really speak to me. Tell me. Did you come up with these? Because if you did, you're a lyrical genius.
The first verse (I think) is you turning to God after you attempted suicide? I'm guessing that's it. I think you should capitalize God, because Christianity.
The second verse is you saying that you're a travelling homeless person.
I'm not going to analyze the last two stanzas, because I think I've got the subject of the poem down. The speaker is a vagabond. This person once fell on hard times and believes that God is punishing him/her for his/her actions. And the speaker doesn't mind; he/she thinks they deserve this.
Was I right?
Anyway, I liked this poem. I think maybe you could've done some capitalization, but whatever. It's your poem. I'm giving it a like and a favorable review. Take care of yourself, Lumi!
Yus, everything is original. You got the surface concept down: "This person fell on hard times and believes that God is punishing him for his actions. And the speaker doesn't mind; he thinks he deserves this." I'm glad it's accessible. There's more beneath it, mostly regarding the cyclical nature of depression and suicidal ideation, mental and spiritual bargaining, rinse & repeat, etc.
Thanks for the review. c:
Well no wonder it connected with me!
This is very awesome, Lumi! I like what you did between each stanza and put a sentence that has relation to the poem but it isn't noticed in the stanzas of the poem. Good job! It is very spiritual, so you categorized the poem correctly. Same with the rating. The title is awesome! I draws people towards this. It's really good. Good job! I will look for more stories and poems by you. Don't give up and always write!
This poem seems to be about temptation to me. I loved the first line";you will not see earth from heaven". It is interesting to see but entirely believable thy one in the grips of addiction could succumb to a handful of medication. I also like your one complaint. God only comes to you when you feel you are unsuited for his company. You beleive that you deserve punishment. The formation of the poem is also interesting. The way that the law is layer down. You are torn between realms. Emotional. I can not reccomend revision so far as there seems to be a unique vehicle for your message. Dont stop now