z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Progeny : Chapter 9

by MissGangamash


Nico paced back and forth by the double doors as Evie and Caius got reacquainted. She sat in the space between the glass and the silver bars. Caius sat before her, as close to the bars as he could without being burned.

When he had seen her walking towards him, his pale face had brightened but then darkened, probably at the memory of their last encounter. She had offered him a half smile and sat by his cell in silence. That’s when he shifted from the back wall and planted himself in front of her. He looked a mess, she thought dismally. His hair had frizzed out in every direction after drying naturally and heavy grey rings made it look like his eyes were sinking into his skull. Caius had never had much meat on his bones but what was left of his shirt looked almost two sizes too big for him now.

His eyes raked over the bandage on her neck and his eyebrows knitted together, his lips trembling. “I’m so sorry, Evie. I don’t know what came over me.” His voice was hoarse as if his throat was made of sand paper. He didn’t sound like himself. His voice had always been so heart-meltingly smooth and delicate.

She shook her head at the guilt in his voice. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”

“So…you’re really human now?”

She nodded, dropping her eyes to the white tiled floor. “I really am.”

“How does it feel?”

“Different.”

“Different…in a good way?” he asked. She couldn’t figure out his tone.

She shrugged and dared to look back at him. “I don’t know.”

His mouth twisted at the answer as if unsure how to respond. “Will you let me heal you?”

“What about the bars?”

He offered her a half smile. “I don’t care.”

She pulled off the square bandage with a wince and pressed the side of her face to the bars, exposing the wound to him. His nostrils flared and she jerked back at the sound of his fangs slipping from their sheaths.

“It’s okay,” he assured her and when she noticed that the veins hadn’t coiled under his eyes, the tell-tale sign that a vampire was about to bite, she settled back into position. He pricked his fingertip with his fang and placed it to her neck. When their skin touched, he shuddered and his wrist touched the silver. He sucked in a hiss of pain and Evie was ready to recoil. “No, it’s okay.” He pushed through the pain, the smell of burning flesh consuming her as he healed her wounds with his blood.

She leaned back when he withdrew his fingertip and watched as the sizzling slice on his wrist sealed up. He popped his fangs back in without looking at her.

“What are you still doing here, anyway?” he asked and shifted his eyes to look at Nico through his hair. “He cured you.”

“He’s using my blood to try and create a universal cure. Apparently the serum he used on me didn’t work on others. And plus-” She looked warily to Nico who was still striding back and forth, allowing her privacy, and then to the camera on ceiling. Of course there were cameras. Great. She cleared her throat, leaned into him and said in a whisper only Caius could pick up with his vampire hearing, “-I’m going to get you out of here.”

His eyebrows rose. “When?”

Shh,” she hissed and he sealed his lips shut. “Tonight, hopefully.”

“But how?” he asked, remembering to drop his voice, which was hard for him because of how scratchy his throat had become.

She slipped her hand through the bars and stroked his cheek. Caius closed his eyes and leaned into her palm, letting her thumb caress his prominent cheekbone. “Leave that to me. Just be ready.”

He twisted his face and pressed his chapped lips to her palm. “I love you.”

Her chest contracted and the backs of her eyes burned. “I love you, too.”

A loud huff made them break apart. Nico scrubbed his hand down his face and pointed to the double doors. “I’m going upstairs. Mark has a key. He’ll lock the door behind you.” A flurry of happiness seared through Evie as Nico left through the doors. He’d left her. Alone.

He trusted her.

And that was what she so desperately needed. His trust and…those keys.

Evie slipped her hand from Caius’ cheek and flipped her wrist so the smooth side was facing him. He furrowed his brows and looked up at her.

She shuffled closer to the bars, wrapping her hand around one for stability. “You need to drink. To get your strength up.”

He gulped hard and his eyes glowed with stark horror when he glanced down at her inviting wrist. He shuddered and leaned away. “No. I can’t. Not after…”

“Caius.” Evie’s voice was so hard and unyielding that it made Caius freeze. “You have to,” she lowered her voice, “or you won’t get out of here.”

He licked the top row as his teeth, thinking. Then those purple marks surfaced and the whites of his eyes clouded with the darkest, emptiest black. Evie’s heart beat quickened and she resisted the urge to pull her arm back.

“Are you sure?” he asked, taking hold of her wrist. She flinched again when his fangs unsheathed. Why was she so jumpy around him? Was it because the memory of him attacking her was so fresh in her mind? But she knew he hadn’t meant it. He had been at the brink of hibernation. He had done it to survive. Caius would never hurt her if he had a choice.

With that in mind, she guided her wrist to his mouth. He angled his head down and pressed his lips against her pulse point, making her suck in a gasp. Her muscles stiffened, she tried to relax but she couldn’t. She was scared. There was no denying that.

Then he parted his lips and sank his fangs into her. The sound of her flesh breaking knocked her sick. But then, as his lips sealed around the open wound and he began to drink, she was hit by a fleeting sense of euphoria. She felt light as if her mind had separated from her body. And the way he was flicking his tongue over her skin, guiding the blood flow directly down his throat sent a chilling warmth up her spine.

It was like being on a morphine drip. Her muscles melted like butter and all she could do was gaze at him, opened mouthed, in awe.

No wonder some humans enjoyed being drank from, she thought dreamily.

But then something changed. It was as if everything had suddenly shifted. The dream-like state she was caught in no longer felt safe, she felt like she was drifting…drifting away. Losing herself. Losing too much blood.

She panicked and grabbed Caius’ shoulder with her other hand. She shook him but he didn’t budge. His grip on his wrist tightened and he grunted as his tongue lapped up more of her blood.

“Caius. Stop,” she begged, her voice hitching. She pounded her fist against him. Once. Twice. Then he drew back with a gasp. Black eyes merging back into blue. Veins disappearing under his skin. Blood dripping from his parted lips and painting his chin.

She could see her reflection in his pupils. Could see the look on her face. It was same look Michael had given her when she almost failed to stop.

Was she Caius’ blood whore now?

When Evie tried to free her wrist from his grip, Caius pulled her back and made her let out a fearful whimper. He just looked and her for a moment then lowered his head. He pressed his mouth back over her pulsing wound and she bit down on her bottom lip, reading for the stinging sensation of his fangs. But instead of piercing her skin, Caius’ tongue swirled around her two entry wounds. She watched the top of his head with a mixture of confusion and relief. He then pressed his lips softly against her and he lifted his head, smiling down at her now unmarred skin. She gazed down in wonder and he rubbed his thumb over where her two puncture wounds had been. He must have healed her with his blood, maybe bitten his own tongue.

“Do you feel better?” she asked, finally pulling her arm back through the bars.

“Yes.” He frowned. “But I’m not going to make a habit of that.”

“It was necessary,” she replied, rubbing her healed wrist as if double checking for scarring. She flicked her eyes to the double doors. “I’d better go. But I’ll be back for you.”

He watched her through the strands of hair that had fallen over his eyes. “Be careful. Don’t put yourself in danger because of me.”

She laughed. “You’re my Maker.”

He lifted his chin so she could get a better look of his eyes. The white light struck his face and made the shadows under his cheekbones look like hollow pits. “But you’re human now.”

She smiled softly to mask the pain of her heartstrings being yanked. He’s nothing to you. “You’ll always be my Maker.”

He smiled back but his also looked ill-fitting.

She pushed herself up to her feet and gave him a slight wave before shutting the glass door behind her. Caius watched her leave, like a puppy left in the pound.

When she closed the door behind her, the guard was quick to swoop behind her and lock it. So fast that Evie actually had to jump out of his way.

“Thank you, Mark.”

He didn’t look at her and just returned to his position, slipping the key into his pocket.

The guards still stood in their positions at the front doors and watched her as she made her way up the stairs unsupervised. It was hard to look unsuspicious when that was all she could think about. What do I do with my hands? Do I run up the stairs? Walk? Do I look back at the guards? But finally she made it to her room successfully avoiding any unwanted attention. A set of pyjamas were folded on her bed when she entered and she dressed into them. They were plain grey; a button up, long-sleeved shirt and pants. There were no slippers so she just left her socks on.

She paced back and forth, her bottom lip pinched between her fingers as she mulled over what she was going to do. Everything had to be perfect. If she roused suspicion, it would be over. What would happen exactly? Would Nico throw her out of the mansion so she couldn’t get to Caius or worse..? Would he lock her up down there with him…and all those other starving vampires?

She shuddered, screwed her hands into fists and went into her bathroom. Her heart pounded when she caught her reflection. She had been crying. The clear tears were still new to her. When she took a look at herself in the mirror, she was expecting red smudges across her cheeks. She liked that her face wasn’t marred by the ugly stains but at the same time, she missed them. It was just another change she’d have to deal with.

A razor sat in the cup in the cabinet, along with a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. She stood up on her tiptoes and delved further into the cabinet. A pair of nail clippers. Sharp but not exactly ideal. She snatched up the pair of nail scissors and closed the mirror. Aha!

She sat down on her bed and rolled up her pyjama sleeve. Her hand shook as she opened up the scissors and pressed the tip to her forearm. Before she had a chance to envision the pain she was about to inflict onto herself, she sank her teeth into her bottom lip and sliced the scissor tip diagonally across her skin creating a cut about three inches long. Tears beaded in her eyes but she stayed silent, holding back a cry. Her bottom lip started to tremble as she watched her blood pulse out of her and trickle in rivulets down her arm and drip onto the cream carpet. She ran back to the bathroom and wiped the new cut with tissues, folded the sleeve back down to capture some of the left over blood and create a brown-red stain, then lift it back up to clean until the blood clotted enough to stop dripping.

She watched the red line for a moment, as if expecting it to seal itself shut and leave her skin perfectly pale. But of course that wasn’t going to happen. Not anymore.

But there was no time to dwell on that, Caius was waiting for her. She rolled her sleeve back down and left her bedroom. She was in the west wing, Nico’s room was in the east wing. She knew this because he had told her in her slightly rattled state when he first brought her to her bedroom. All the rooms had a number like it was some sort of hotel. Maybe it was supposed to be a hotel, a hotel for all his cured vampires. Her bedroom was 6B. His bedroom was 14A on the same floor.

There was no one about as she made her way through the corridors which were dimly lit by energy saving bulbs dotted here and there on the walls. She winced every time her feet made the floorboards creak. But she was supposed to be acting nonchalant. No, not nonchalant. Afraid. Worried.

She willed herself to cry when she reached his door. It wasn’t hard. Just letting all her thoughts surface made her throat close up. She allowed everything to fall on top of her, everything she had been trying her best to hold back. Her fear for Caius. Her fear for her future. Her fear for everybody’s future. Her fear. Period.

She sucked in a sudden shaky gasp that caught her off guard -forgot to breathe again- and knocked on the door.


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Wed Jun 29, 2016 3:59 pm
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megsug wrote a review...



Hey Ganga~
Very nice ending. I'm very impressed. This entire chapter was actually quite masterful.

In fact, there's only one thing that really bothers me about it. Nico leaves when Evy and Caius are acting their most suspicious. They're telling each other they love each other, and Nico, obviously sickened by this, leaves them alone... If anything, doesn't Evy declaring her love still for Caius, even after he attacked her, illustrate that Nico shouldn't trust her?

It just seems very convenient that Nico gets so tired of standing there that he leaves them alone, and doesn't even send in a guard to keep watching them... I can't wrap my head around why he would do that.

Even as I say that, the scene following it with Caius drinking from her, and Evy wondering if she's a blood whore was very skillfully done. You're obviously in your element here.

Even though Caius' and Evy's relationship is sooo unhealthy, and I can only read about it with a kind of fascinated horror, I liked seeing so deeply into their feelings. Though we've seen them together before, I thought that scene was more about what was happening than how they felt towards each other. Their love and their doubt about how things will continue now that Evy is human was beautiful and fairly realistic.

And the ending just makes me want to jump into the next chapter.

As far as how this chapter fits in with the others, it's good to have an actual plot point after the last two chapters, and it definitely makes the last two chapters worth it. If I was reading this as a published book off the shelf, I probably wouldn't even notice the down time.

That's all I've got for you this time! Sorry there's not much critique in this review.
Onward,
Megs~






Woo! I'm glad you like the chapter!

Evie has told Nico that she still loves Caius and that she wants Nico to be successful with his project so he can cure Caius and they both can live a happy human life together. Evie knows that there is no way she would be able to convince Nico that she isn't in love with Caius so she's worked around it.

Yes, if there are other chapters where they seem like 'fillers' its because they're leading up to something important.

Thank you so much for your review and I'm glad you're still reading :D



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Mon Nov 10, 2014 12:55 am
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Sonder wrote a review...



Hey Ganga! So sorry for the wait. Here I am, onto the review!

Wow. This was by far the best chapter that you've presented for a while. I seriously enjoyed this one. It had an overall feel of being well-thought out, as well as having crystal clear details and character development. I thoroughly appreciated it.

Some small nitpicks!

His voice had always been so heart-meltingly smooth and delicate.

Hmm...what is this word, "heart-meltingly"? While I think it could work in some styles, I felt that this seemingly made up word did not fit your more formal style. Perhaps take it out, or change it to "His voice had always been smooth enough to melt hearts," or something like that. Just my opinion, as always!

the smell of burning flesh consuming her

While I loved the potent description of the odor of burning flesh, I felt that "consuming" was not quite the right verb. I just imagined something eating her...I don't know. I feel like "surrounding" or "enveloping" would work better, but perhaps I am far too picky.

He smiled back but his also looked ill-fitting.

This was actually very clear, but it did feel awkward to me. Perhaps say that what is ill-fitting is his smile? Just add "his beam also looked..." or similar? Up to you, as always.

A set of pyjamas were folded on her bed

Shouldn't "pyjamas" be pajamas?

And those are literally all the nitpicks I have! Fabulous job.

This was seriously the best chapter I have read so far. I am not normally one to fangirl, but the description in this chapter ignited that tiny part of me that had the urge to squeal with delight. Don't let that on to anyone. ;)
But in all seriousness, this chapter pleased me. From the description with Caius, to Evie's plotting (what in blazes is she going to do?!), to the awesome advancement and detail in the story, I was very happy with this well rounded piece.

I adored the scene with Caius sucking Evie dry. Her temporary euphoria frightened me, because I knew that it could lead to nothing good.
THESE SENTENCES:
It was as if everything had suddenly shifted. The dream-like state she was caught in no longer felt safe, she felt like she was drifting…drifting away. Losing herself. Losing too much blood.

She pounded her fist against him. Once. Twice. Then he drew back with a gasp. Black eyes merging back into blue. Veins disappearing under his skin. Blood dripping from his parted lips and painting his chin.

<3333333 The description! The amazing details! I just lurrrrv it! It was awesome. Very rarely does someone get me this excited. :3

Evie seemed so real in this chapter. I felt so connected with her. You did a fabulous job with sucking me in (no pun intended). I want more!
I also disagree with Biscuits that you have too much thinking and time in this chapter. It just spread the suspense for me, and kept me wanting more!
What in blazes is Evie planning? She is so mysterious, and the way that she is allowing herself to cry.... All very suspicious and enthralling at the same time!

Overall, this was my favorite chapter. I got giddy writing this review. Not sure what you did differently this time, but for the love of peace, keep doing it! Brilliant job. :)

9.75/10

~Night






I'm so glad you liked it ^_^ And it's probably one of the best chapters because Nico isn't in it XD People seem to have a problem with his character...

I was thinking about the 'heart-meltingly' thing too. I've read a few books that have made up words in them to put their point across and it seems to be an okay thing... as long as it's obvious what the word actually means and doesn't just leave people super confused :P

I'm super glad you like the descriptions of Caius biting Evie. They're the bits in the book that I love writing because it's proper vampire stuff mwuahaha. To be honest, any part of this book with Caius and Evie interacting I just love. They're probably my favourite couple out of everything I've written because their relationship is so tragic but also beautiful.

You'll find out what Evie's up to in the next chapter ;D

Thanks for the review!



Sonder says...


No problem! I really liked it. :)



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Fri Nov 07, 2014 11:45 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



'and then to the camera on ceiling' - there should be a 'the' between 'on' and 'ceiling'.

'He licked the top row as his teeth' - 'as' should be 'of'.

'His grip on his wrist tightened' - the second 'his' should be 'her'.

'It was same look Michael had given her when she almost failed to stop.' - there should be a 'the' between 'was' and 'same'.


You're making reviewing very difficult. They say not to do reviews if all you're going to do is compliment. I will try to find something.

All I can think of is that sometimes you develop Evie's thoughts a bit too much. Give the reader credit and let them fill in some blanks. I promise I'll let you know if you've missed a step out.

Your characterisation is supreme, honestly. I am so surprised that you still continue to develop setting. Your plot is going a little slower than it maybe could if you dropped in a couple of hints about what Evie is planning.

Well done, so very very well done!






Gah! I editted this twice too XD

Well, one can never get tired of compliments ;) Haha.

I'll keep that in mind about Evie's thoughts but I guess I am keeping some things under wraps as you don't really know what she's planning....

And in an earlier chapter I had someone saying the opposite, that I don't give the readers enough to follow things easily so I guess it's difficult finding the middle ground haha.

This novel is quite a slow burner. It's not a super action-packed vampire novel and tends to mainly focus on the building and changing of the relationships between characters but there is obvious some action in there as well.

Thanks so much for the review! :D



ExOmelas says...


You're welcome :) btw, I've reviewed works with farrrr more spelling errors. Honestly, I've reviewed some where I had 1000 characters by the end of the grammar check ;)




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