Young Writers Society

Hello, InTheTrees!

Well, first of all, this is a very interesting poem you made here. I love the imagery and details of the poem. I can honestly see this happening in my head. My favorite lines were:

The story climaxes with your hands sewn to her shirt,

Each finger in a buttonhole,

Keeping her fragile chest intact.

Hello!
This was an interesting poem.
I liked the images: the reader can really picture every part of the poem. I like the metaphors included, like the part with the wig, and the part with the “hands sewn.”
I like the detail of her listening to radio static. I also like that you wrote this as a kind of story, where we only know very minuscule details about what is going on.

I think the only problem I see is content. Basically, what I gain from this, is that the narrator thinks this poor girl is attractive, but she’s unfortunate and depressed or something like that. Then they have a relationship or something like that, and the girl ends up happy and perfect.
If this is indeed the story, then honestly, what’s to be learned? That relationships fix your life? I mean, if this is what you wanted it to be about then fine. But I just don’t like it personally. If that’s not what you meant somehow, then I’d suggest changing something so that’s not what it comes off as.
Other than content though, the execution of this poem was wonderful. You use adjectives really well and the metaphors again as well.
Great job! Keep writing!
~fortis

Hello

Quite a piece of work! Really intresting and deep.
I think it's great how you connected the begging to the end with
,,Her hair is a wig growing out of her scalp.'' and ,,At the end of the story, her hair is perfect.''
Without describing too much, you managed to paint a picture in my mind. I can almost see the lady making coffee or washing the table.
All in all, really made me think.

Keep up the fantastic work!

-Sophiewrites