Um. ahaha. I. I liked the reality in which this poem started. I think the image of the legs against the light is very vivid and specific and really brings it all into an intense image for me. I also love the language of the fact that it's as dark as the crack beneath your door. That's original, effective, and interesting. But! From there! It goes intro melodrama I don't want to go along with following the solidness of the reality in the opening.I think if you're going to go the way of melodrama, you should start from the very beginning descriptions. Now, the other thing that makes me like the first two stanzas separately from the rest is that they describe the scene. The rest of the poem devolves into "I do this. I do that." in the first person point of view. It's hard to build up tension in a first person point of view when it's obvious that the person doesn't know anything. It's hard to give the reader a hint of what might befall the character if they do something stupid when we're only getting news from inside the not-so-bright character's head, you know? So while this would kind of be scary if given reality and told from the outside, from the inside it sounds childish and too plain to build any interest. Consider where you're coming from and what you want to accomplish and edit accordingly! PM me if you have any questions or comments regarding my review, please.Good luck and keep writing!
Hey there! Noir here, and I'll be your reviewer today. Let's rock.First up: Concept. The exaggeration of the spider is amusing. I, myself, don't suffer from arachnophobia. But it's very clear this person does, and I find that strangely amusing and enjoyable. I think you were going for a dark feel for this poem, but I found it humorous and funny. That's just the way I interpreted it, though.Second on this list: Rhythm. The rhythm for this poem was probably supposed to be dark, but I found it funny and cheerful. The rhythm was fun and artsy, and I loved that. Your use of bolds and spacing was enjoyable as well. This was very fun to read, as I read it with the tune of "Itsy Bitsy Spider" stuck in my head.The final attribute I'll cover: Grammar. I found no grammar mistakes, and if I missed one, I apologize for not noticing.Overall: This poem was fun and lighthearted. At least, that's how I read it. If it was supposed to be dark, then I missed it. The concept was funny, the rhythm was fun, and the grmmar was excellent.9/10This has been NoirLumiere, and there's your review. Good night, and keep rocking!
110,042 Literary Works • 586,609 Reviews