A haiku - I'm not sure what I think of it really, would appreciate thoughts!
Thanks!
A growing rumble,
The frills of smoke entwining.
Birds take to the sky
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Canary word: Present
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I really like this. It's only three lines, but it feels like there is so much depth to it. I can really see these images in my head, and I enjoyed reading it. I'm a little unsure of the setting of this haiku, but I think that's the best part. I don't need to know. It's so interpretable that you don't need any extra information. It's just there, existing, and that's all that matters!
Good job!
Hey.
I like the concept behind it and i think that you have a really good idea, my issue is with the word entwining. I think something like erupting or something with a more escapist notion behind it would make it stand out more. Hope this helps!
~Retro
finally! another haiku! i write them myself and yours is amazing. the use of the element air is powerful. i seriously can hear the wind in the trees. generally i adore it! keep on the writing.
Hey, this was really nice!
As I read the first line, I was thinking along the lines of earthquakes, a hungry person… and then the second line left me confused because "rumble" and "frills" are such contrasting words that I was curios to know what was occurring. And then you finish the Haiku beautifully with the image of birds in flight, and the picture becomes really clear!
I love Haikus because they illustrate something really meaningful in a minimal way, and you've done that here.
Awesome work, and happy writing
-Briggsy
Thank you, glad you liked it!
Kya here for a review!
) I think I get a good picture of what is happening, even with the length. Even though you give the impression of what's going on, the reader still gets to use some imagination.
Hmm, it's interesting, albeit a bit short. (
I really like this line.
The only thing I'd tell you about grammar is that I believe the first letter of each line is capitalized.
Thanks for your comments! It's a haiku so it's restricted to 5-7-5 which is part of the challenge but I'm glad you still got a good picture
Thank's for picking me up on the grammar - have edited