Four letters changed my life,
just four, not one more.
You may wonder what they were,
Love?
I thought it was.
He was charming,
gentle and sweet.
Fate decided we should meet.
A single rose,
on a white topped table,
the lights dimmed.
Gorgeous food,
a romantic mood.
A sneaky kiss,
lips brush
a moments rush,
a dizzy high like a drug.
The snap of his fingers for the bill,
his haste to leave,
his hunger to touch,
his need to be pleased.
The click of a door,
lips meet,
passion flowing.
His tongue explores,
his hands roaming.
Up the stairs,
kiss never breaking.
Top and shirt abandoned.
The creak of springs,
from a mattress.
Silence.
A whisper,
“A part of me will always be with you.”
Little did I know how true that would be.
Four letters changed life for me,
just four, not one more.
A-I-D-S.
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139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
Oh!
That was basically my reaction when I got to the end of the poem. I like how you lead the reader on and don't give any hint of what the poem is really about, but in the same way I sort of wish that we could know a bit more about the emotion from the narrator after we realise what she's actually talking about. It seems a little bit cold - you've told us, and you've told us in a well-written way, but I'm just left to wonder how the narrator feels, and maybe a bit more of a hint throughout the poem that something terrible happened would help with that. Apart from that, well-written, and a good concept.
Wow, I really liked this! It was amazingly done, and agreed, the twist at the end was surprising. Awesome job.
This was wonderful! I never expected the twist in the end! You did great! One little thing though... in the line "from a mattress" you sort of break the flow. It doesn't rhyme like the rest of the poem. It's good like this, but I just thought I'd point it out in case you wanted to change it. All in all, really great job!!!
It was a very interesting piece. I enjoyed it very much! If you write more poetry that you want reviewed, please PM me!
Ofir
Over all your poem is fantastic! It only had a few weird part, but its amazing!