Wheeling above me,
seagulls cry their symphonies,
I embrace the sea.
I cut through the waves.
I don’t even try to breathe.
This is what I want.
Drowning seemed peaceful,
I chose it for that reason.
A way of escape.
I float at sweet peace,
Away from the pains of life,
as I wait for death.
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140,620 Literary Works • 673,561 Reviews
Your haiku are nice, but the fact that you use a first person point of view in them lessens the quality of the haiku, for me. Furthermore, haiku are generally supposed to put a person's mind in a relaxed state, and I believe your haiku prevent such a state. One last piece of advice: you might want to change the subject of the haiku, simply because it is a rather depressing topic, and not a lot of people will be able to relate to it.
Anyways, keep on writing,
ofir.
Thanks to you both.
Kanade I will PM you if I ever write anymore Haiku.
Jane, I also thought that line was a little off, I will see what I can do about it.
Thanks again,
~Lydia
Wow, I thought these haikus were great.
It's very hard to review haikus, because they're so short, but I'll try to point out all the things I did and didn't like (though there were very few of those).
I love your first haiku, very descriptive and beautiful. For some reason I picture this haiku's setting on some desolate, foggy beach somewhere.
For some reason, "I chose it for that reason" doesn't seem like it fits to me.
I love the line "I float at sweet peace", very nice.
I personally think that haikus are one of the hardest types of poetry to write, so I applaud you for your great attempt! Good job!
Keep writing,
Jane
I'm sorry I don't remember all the haiku requirements, know it all only in general, but I love haiku and I love your haiku.
Especially the fourth one.
Technically I'm posting here, because your haiku are simply beautiful to me, beautiful and make me feel at peace as well. They convey a very vivid feeling (Do they even say 'vivid' about a feeling..?). Sounds very professional to me.
I've checked your portfolio but noticed you haven't written any more haiku.
I think you should write more! Or more like it's a request^^
お願いします！