Hope you enjoy them xD
I’m tucked up in bed,
so deliciously cosy.
Nothing can hurt me.
Something behind me,
I can feel it watching me,
I feel my fear build.
Running and running,
but I can’t run fast enough!
Heart pounding, pounding.
Sweat on my forehead,
duvet tangled around me.
Nightmares, so vivid.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
I shall review (not really critique) your Nightmares, before I go to sleep, myself.
I love 'so deliciously cosy.' Not only do I see myself curled up in bed, I feel it too.
Everyone can relate to that feeling of just being so very comfortable that it seems nothing can bother them.
This is the part where you're getting a midnight snack in the kitchen, and as soon as you turn the light off to leave.. You have to sprint down the hallway and leap into bed!
^^This one too? How do you know me?
I like this one. It's not like it's a scary thing.. (it's a haiku for Pete's sake) But it just kind of leaves me uneasy.
In a good way.
Yes, I did enjoy them.
-Eme
Yay! I love reviewing haiku's.
I'm not too sure how being cosy is delicious. It feels like that you just came up with a "comfort" word that had the right amount of syllables.
This one was just anti-climatic. Maybe you can change the last line to something about it attacking you, or realizing what's watching you is just a bunny or some other type of harmless animal.
This one was fairly anti-climatic, too, but more exciting than the last one. See my critic above for tips on this one.
This one was my absolute favorite.
Keep up the good work! God Bless!
Thanks to you both.
Emorykings I would remove the Something but the lines have to follow the pattern of 5 syllables then 7 then 5 again. Thats the pattern of Haiku
Glad you both enjoyed them. If you have any poetry you would like me to review then please ask.
ehmmmmmmm that was a piece worth dying for I have read this very piece several times trying to understand the level of feeling the writer was when writting this poem, and I still am not capable of comprehending. The only thing I will say is that your stanza 2
"Something behind me,
I can feel it watching me,
I feel my fear build."
The "something" in line 1 is just too many words
Good! I did enjoy your submission! The level of detail you used blended extremely well with that one repetition of "pounding".
This is my favourite 'chunk' of this piece (you can tell I am not a Haiku expert by terminology), but regardless of my expertise "so deliciously cosy" conveys a very strong emotional response from the reader that leans toward feelings and memories of both pleasure and comfort. Based on the excerpt above I would not have predicted that the last Haiku would have concluded with a nightmare, or the use of the word "nightmares" but the transition was carefully constructed and together these four haiku's are like four pieces of fabric on a quilt, they may have different designs, some of which depict similar events and emotions, but together they weave a masterful story.
Sincerely,
-Elitehusky