Who knows what happens when we die,
Do we go to heaven up high?
Is there such a thing as hell?
Can we go there as well?
Can our soul live on,
even when our body's gone?
Or are ghosts really real?
Are our fates already sealed?
Maybe we come back,
as animals, something like that.
Or perhaps death is the end,
who knows? It depends.
So many possibilities,
that really, in reality,
we will never know,
where on earth we go,
in the end.
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140,613 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
Hey there!
You have an interesting poem here. Obviously an interesting topic, and some great questions to ask. However, I do have a suggestion for you. Thing is, your poem at the moment is pretty much made out of questions with no answers. Perhaps, and this is only a suggestion, you could attempt to expand those questions in some way. Obviously you can't literally answer these questions, as that's the point of the poem, but instead of just leaving them there you could stretch them a little an explore possibilities?
Hope this helps!
~Amy
You have a great poem, it is simple short and sweet. There is one thing that I would change in your poem. When you say "go to heaven on high", it makes me think that someone overdosed while they were on drugs and died. You could say something like go to heaven up high or go to heaven high in the sky.
Have a nice day
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Fiction
Thanks for your comments Jmim and TenYo, I have edited the spacing a little. But I am going to leave the 'in heaven on high' because as TenYo said, it is an old English phrase, because heaven is like the highest place, the uppermost place because it is where God is.
Thanks for your comments
~Lydia
EDIT:
As two people have said about the 'heaven on high' line I have decided to edit it to 'heaven up high' just to clear up any confusion.
Interesting. It's simple enough to read without being bored by the overly complicated expressions that seem to come with this kind of work, but it's still got enough of a spark to make you think.
I can't say I like the structure though. The short verses separated by so much space makes it difficult and slightly annoying to read.
After reading Jmin's comment- 'Heaven on high' is an old English term, and loosely means 'the holiest of heavens.' I don't know if you're really aware of that or anything, but I guess Americans aren't really familiar with older phrases. It's completely up to you whether you take that into account when considering your audience.
Nice, I enjoyed the rhythm of this one. The short, brisk lines work well with this topic, I feel. One thing though:
"Who knows what happens when we die,
Do we go to heaven on high?"
I don't understand going "to heaven on high". I'm pretty confused about that, I have no idea what that means. You mean high on drugs or that heaven is high? I don't know. If it's the latter, then it would be a bit better to say "go to heaven up high" or something else. Maybe you should tweak that.