everything that falls down eventually rises

this is a rewrite of a poem i wrote a little bit ago. i didn't post the older one here because i wasn't proud of it, but i like this version.

The poetic voice you're honing here is like sharply vulnerable and I enjoy that a lot of them are targeted at a "you" which isn't always obvious whether the speaker is referring back to themselves or another person but is really interesting. You've got some great turns of phrase here too:

"poetry: always imperfect.
i count flaws in dozens until i am
bursting at the seams with detestation." <--- I CAN RELATE! (I'm getting a lot of these feelings this napo. there's something about poetry that sometimes feels too self-revelatory that when you don't like the poem it feels a little like self-loathing and I don't know if that's what the speaker is describing here, but geesh you are putting words to what I have been feeling a lot lately, so thank you for that.)

"i hear your hymns inching past
your larynx; they sound like gentle
rain" <- PERFECTION. AHhhhh this description is so on point.

"somehow, after all of these late nights
where you cry until the birds sing a response,
you will never stop waking up, screaming,
even though you never fell asleep." <- this one feels really contradictory or unexpected to think about someone continuously waking up instead of falling asleep, and I like how you've layered this whole scene in this semi-spooky intriguing way.

and your opening poem is just AHHHHH so. good. !!

my embodiment is the crest atop
this precipice, but it wouldn't be anything
without you. between your body and the ground,
the hollow den is depressing into a continuous vacuum.

^ love all these thoughts about kind of bodily alienation and how it relates to this other person and the metaphors you're using are angry and sad and heart breaking and all the emotions. <333

You're doing so great this first week chikara and you're already a third of the way through! And I'm enjoying reading every single poem. Keep on going! <3