~Excalibur~

Line by line review. ------- Sweat glistens on your porcelain - Does not make sense. crystallising in the chill, you are the ice queen, - Poor word choice, fresh line ...

---------- rough waters under my boat never stop thought I could handle rough waters. out of my boat now under my boat now gasping for aid hang on Waisting river ...

Yeah this is cliched and seems to be taken directly from Tolk's Lord of the Rings. Even with the issue of 'Orks' not 'Orcs'. It reads like a Magic the ...

Quite a long post. So i'll do this paragraph by paragraph. ------- It was a lovely day. The sun was shining brightly to the east, the sky was a bright ...

This story is strange and doesn't flow well. We need more descriptions and coherence. It sounds rushed, the plot narration IS rushed and it gives no background or reality anchoring. ...

I see music took care of the issues, and I am a bad proof reader. I saw your post in Writer's Corner about this, but did not make a comment ...

Short enough for me to rip apart... Sorry, but this may be harsh. Kyrstin stood against the firm brick wall. The sun rained down on her as she waited for ...

Harsh.. Okay. Let's see what I can do. "You see, I’m a huge nerd, and I love to read fantasy novels, well I used to, but we can get to ...

I'm sorry about this but i just have to say it. Please, please for the love of god, every single writer in the world, hear my rant I liked it, ...

A preface... interesting. However, this doesn't seem to be a preface. I'm pulling from the wiki entry (just because it is easy and worded well): "A preface (pronounced "preffus") is ...

Alright, since there is a lot of issues with this piece and you seem to have double posted it, I will comment only on glaring errors. The first such issue ...

A healer being a rare to pull off professionally? Then apparantly all my work just entered the original bin on that one. And I was a good healer for five ...

A piece like this conflicts with two characters from which the reader has no background. Their is no tension between the two and V's advances are just unnatural and a ...

Anthropomorphic penguins! Oh my! Yay for originality, but the dialogue was cliche and so awkward I thought I was watching an episode of Dora the Explorer or something akin to ...

This is actually worse then the old one. A lot just seems to be copy and pasted without attention to the points made in the reviews. On to the paragraph ...