gema11

Hey again! I'm seeing the same problems here as I did with your other poem. Work on using punctuation powerfully- bend it to your will instead of ignoring it. Also, ...

FIRST- 2 notes that aren't really review related but just random thoughts: 1. I love the title- "this too shall pass" is a sort of personal motto of mine. 2. ...

I think specificity would be very helpful. It would be much more impactful if it was obvious you were writing to Jim about his impact on you. Without that personal ...

I really like the unusual structure of this poem, and it flows well, though there are times when you lose the rythmn a bit. In the longer, italicized parts of ...

I like the message of the poem- the simple story that it tells, but I don't feel as if the poem has any flow or rythmn. I understand that its ...

I really enjoy this poem! I love the simplicity of it. I think you should just fix the last line. I like the part "rainbows born in tangent lines", but ...

Okay, so I am not quite sure what is going on here. I get that it's a short story and obviously just something from school, but I still do not ...

As my creative writing teacher said (quoting Some Famous Author I Forget), "Poetry is life distilled". Poetry is meant to be intense and compact, even in long lines. Every word ...

Gwendolyn Brooks said, "Poetry is life distilled." Remember that. Distill your poem, simplify it so it has only the the bare necessities, elegant and sparse, that you need to get ...

I understand this is supposed to be an excerpt, but more detail would do a lot of good. Chose what to detail and what not to. Plus, to create a ...

Was this written for a school assignment? The vagueness, the assumption that the reader already knows what school you are talking about, makes it seem that way. Even so, you ...

Very emotional. You use a lot of very powerful images, like the stained mind, flowing white garments, and the dipping of hands into the cake of mankind. Remember that although ...

I can relate to the emotion. I can really feel the emotion. Some of the main problems are grammar and weird wording. First thing- I notice you have no periods ...

I like the brief emotional snapshot this short story provides. It is very powerful. Most of the issues I've found are in your grammar. Watch out for those run-on sentences. ...

There is definitely some potential in this story, but I've found a lot of grammar and spelling errors. Also, I suggest working on the dialogue, which feels a bit stilted. ...