fireheartedkaratepup

This is wonderful. I LOVE how you(?) think of your baby as a person--so many young mothers are forgetting this. I love the emotion, and the way you describe things. ...

From our depths to our lips? Huh? I mean, i get it, but...not really..... And chisled isn't a a word. :P Chiseled is. Overall, great poem. Which is why you're ...

You has comma trouble. :P I don't normally like it when people do this, but since it's for school I'll just quote the whole thing here and put my corrections ...

......DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING! XD Seriously, you can take the suggestions before me, but I think the poem's fine without them. You made something very scary very humorous. Sorry bout the ...

Forgive this generalization of your age group as a whole, but you’re now a sulky and scowling acne-ridden soul. Hmm, the rhythm seems a bit off on the second-to-last line. ...

.......this was strange. (Strange isn't necessarily bad.) What I mean by that is, at first (except for the line spacing and the emotional nature) it doesn't really feel like a ...

You have some comma trouble. “847 , do you know what you’re in for?” I try again , reaching for my neck. A few minor pronoun issues. It is sore ...

Yup. Mostly. You use "your" when you should use "you're" and there was you missing its u in there somewhere. And it's writing, with one t. Also, I don't think ...

I know how you feel. I think it's because of what most people think of as the "dark side" of their conscience, and what I think are often demons. (Yeah, ...

...."Kind of" is not grammatically correct. (Neither is "kinda", but it can be excused as slang, in my opinion.) And it's "you're busy" not "your busy". And I totally agree ...

Actually, I don't think the flow was all that great--you're too wordy. Try using fewer words. (But the first person is right--if English is your second language, YOU ARE SO ...

GAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. This put me over the edge and made me cry. Why is everyone dying? In the past two weeks, I've had a distant friend, a friend of a friend, ...

I LOVE THIS. I don't agree with the comments above me, either about the emotion or the "story in poem format" thing. However, it's possible they may have a point--instead ...

I agree with Soulkana, different line spacing might be better. Also, the flow doesn't seem quite right. Have fun playing with words and stuff--it's important to get your feelings on ...

Good story. Some problems, but they've already been pointed out, so I don't have much to say. :P (This is just like my speech class. XD) Aaannnddd I'm here for ...