Published April 27, 2011
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140,544 Literary Works • 673,415 Reviews
Really really long. I don't know that the longest poems are the best. When they start getting that long I think it's best to wright a short story. Honestly, I believe the best poems are short and sweet. I do like the emotion channeling through though. Also, when I newly started, I hated stanzas, but I began to realize that other people for some reason really like them. I would suggest them, not as a poet but as a friend seeing as a lot more people will like your poetry that way!
Happy writing!
Great job with this poem. Again, this is something that everyone can relate to. The flow was good, and overall, everything sounded wonderful.
Keep writing beautiful poetry.
I really liked this so I thought I would comments on it. It's not really going to be a review or anything.
I felt like I was reading a page from my life. the same thing happened to me and I thought I would never move on. He broke up with me, but then later on decided he wanted me back. Then I left him and regreted it highly, I dwelded on it and suffered. Someone better will come along though. I thought they wouldn't but I found someone who completes me.
Like I said not a review. I liked it to much for that.
-Flow-
.......this was strange. (Strange isn't necessarily bad.) What I mean by that is, at first (except for the line spacing and the emotional nature) it doesn't really feel like a poem. Maybe break it up more? And stanzas would be nice. Also, you randomly start rhyming in places, like here:
XD EVERYTHING RHYMES IN THIS STANZA. Haha. (mE, bE, happY, mE, mE.)
Oh, and you could do without the always in the second line.
You also have a lot of fragmented sentences. I understand what you're trying to do, but maybe you could convey the same thing by breaking the lines up? Even something like
I was
scared,
I thought
You would leave me.
Not necessarily like that, but play with it.
Unless you're going for repetition, you might wanna rephrase the second line.
Nonononono. Could have, if anything. "Of" is not grammatically correct. (This bugs me cuz people do it a lot. It's fine in informal speech, but not in a poem, unless you're using dialect.)
....regardless of whether your loved one is there or not, you have a soul. Don't forget that. You'll always have a soul, you just might lose feeling in it for a while. Try to fight to feel, kay? I know it hurts, but pain is better than numbness....right? Ok, moving on.
"Your" is possessive--"Your house." You want to say "you are forgetting me" so it's "you're". (Also, forgetting has two t's.)
(There's another your that should be you're a few lines down.)
(Also another forgetting a few lines after that.)
This has potential, and you got your feelings on paper, which many can't do very well, so good job.
Hey! Looks great! I could connect with the MC and I could understand her pain. This poem did take an unexpected and slightly emo-ish turn at "Life wasn't worth living"... Might need fixing???
Great work overall! Keep it up!
Now it's better,
<3
i can feel the flow rising, but the problem of it its length. you know!
there were so perfect lines followed by other lines that you have mentioned before(got the same meaning, i mean).
i like it now, its very good... the first part was great.
but then you kept on the same points over and over. you need to rearrange the points more!
i can relate to it somehow!
keep up and update me!
Aha, your poetry again. I like how honest it is, we can really see inside your head. I do agree that it doesn't really have a flow. You don't HAVE to have one, it isn't against the law or anything, but it really would sound better, even if it's already nice. I also think that there could be punctuation in some places.
Overall, it was pretty great! I just think there was a lot of repetition and a couple of cliche' lines here and there. I love the emotions here. It is obvious that you are confused and hopeless, yet relieved. I am starting to see a cycle of the feelings now that I read it again. I'm glad that somebody finally mentioned these feelings with this topic. Bravo.
i think you might did better, first the flow doesn't exist!!
you need to consider your dividing to stanzas. i mean the emotion was whinning. you lost the rue feelings of miising the person in the poem.
i think you can do better! :d
keep up the good work!