Happy Birthday, Teenager

GREAT JOB SARAH!!!!!

Haha! This is great! I really loved reading the clever rhyming, really brought a smile to my face! Great work! Thanks so much for sharing, I'll have to read this to MY mom haha.

hi, the poem was quite captivating describing the nuances of the adolescent stage.....
i am sure ,it must have served as nostalgia for many of grown ups...i liked the simple yet personal touch added to the poem which compels to empathize oneself with your plight....except for some minor grammatical mistakes and simple writing, it was a good work......

Hello there.

Nitpicks:

Happy Birthday, my child!
You’re now officially a teen.
And according to the public,
you’re impulsive and obscene.

but you're now sulky misfit

and sleeps when it’s light.

Gee thanks a lot, Dad!

hi! okay, here to tear apart your poem sing prasies of your poem.

Happy Birthday, my child!
You’re now officially a teen.
And according to the public,
you’re impulsive and obscene.
Forgive this generalization
of your age group as a whole,
but you're now sulky misfit
or just an acne-ridden soul.
You’re a juvenile delinquent
and a menace to society.
You’re crazy, instantaneous,
rebellious, and rioty.
You’re a room-dwelling skulker
and a creature of the night,
who stays out at odd hours
and sleeps when it’s light.
You’re in a constant dark mood;
you’re either upset or you’re mad.
You’re a master of sarcasm—
Gee thanks a lot, Dad!
But even though you’re a vandal
and a wide spreader of litter,
you’re still the parent’s first call
when they're in need of a sitter!

If this poem were ever printed on a greeting card, it would increase the national amount of paper used by a hundredfold! This is a fantastic and hilarious look at teenagers. Haha, would laugh at this forever if I wasn't trying to review it, so let's get down to business...

But even though you’re a vandal
and a wide spreader of litter,
you’re still the parent’s first call
when they're in need of a sitter!

This poem made me think of a teenage stereotype. But I loved it anyway. My favorite part was when you wrote "Acne-ridden soul", it was very creative.

Keep Writing!

Nike

Let me start off with saying I LOVED this!

Happy Birthday, my child!
You’re now officially a teen.
And according to the public,
you’re impulsive and obscene. Amen. All I hear my grandmother talk about is how obnoxious teenagers are and how they can't use there brain.

Forgive this generalization
of your age group as a whole,
but you're now sulky misfit
or just an acne-ridden soul. This last line seemed a bit off, but that was about the only thing wrong witht his poem, in my opinion.

You’re a juvenile delinquent
and a menace to society.
You’re crazy, instantaneous,
rebellious, and rioty.This stanza was awesome.

You’re a room-dwelling skulker
and a creature of the night,
who stays out at odd hours
and sleeps when it’s light. Every stanza in this poem showed just how everyone looks at teen-agers.

You’re in a constant dark mood;
you’re either upset or you’re mad.
You’re a master of sarcasm—
Gee thanks a lot, Dad! Sarcasm- the language of teen-agers.

But even though you’re a vandal
and a wide spreader of litter,
you’re still the parent’s first call
when they're in need of a sitter!

Hi.. I can't help but say its really great.. You've given it a very nice starting. though the flow was good, somehow I felt that maybe this poem would have been loads better without a rhyme. The rhyme was kind of forced... As reviewers before have mentioned, The use of word 'rioty' was wrong, but it made a good effect... Overall though it was a great laugh and very funny to read..

Forgive this generalization
of your age group as a whole,
but you're now sulky misfit
or just an acne-ridden soul.
This was very nice.. and adding that 'acne-ridden soul' thing was a great idea.. It indeed is a thing most of us girls spend their time worrying about..

You%u2019re in a constant dark mood;
you%u2019re either upset or you%u2019re mad.
You%u2019re a master of sarcasm%u2014
Gee thanks a lot, Dad!
This sarcasm line and the next line was just awesome!! It was good thinking by writing it as a compliment..

But even though you%u2019re a vandal
and a wide spreader of litter,
you%u2019re still the parent%u2019s first call
when they're in need of a sitter!
This was the best part.. You know when you babysit your siblings you get money.. In my house..No damn way!! I have to work for free and my bro is like total jerk.. maybe that's why I loved this stanza... Awesome!!yet again!!

Aw, this is adorable.

The rhythm is perfect. The rhymes are all cleverly worded, it keeps the reader on their toes. I like the satiric overtones, mainly because it maintains that light upbeat feel to it. Great poem

I loved this! All the stereotypes are so true, but totally misleading. Nice perspective too!

Hahah you got ALL the stereotypes for us lovely and brooding teenagers. This made me laugh and laugh till I was laughing on the floor unable to stop... very nicely done. Oh how I would say not ALL teens are like this and would love to point out people use stereotypes too much in my opinion XD Good job with this and I truly loved it. Keep up with the good work and Happy Writing!!!! Best of Wishes!!!!
Soulkana<3

Hello there,

I certainly understand what you are getting at here and I reckon a lot of people can definately relate to this. Everyone young and old is very stereotypical about teenagers and their 'ways'. Although I'm not a huge fan of the whole rhyming thing I did think it really worked in this case. It certainly added more flow to the poem in general and made people start to read it out loud to themselves. I particularly liked the fourth stanza because it was so simple and true. Overall it's really good and very interesting too read.

From CuteJackRussell

I love it! Simply because it says everything that a teen that parents want to say to their teen children.

Happy Birthday, my child!
You’re now officially a teen.
And according to the public,
you’re impulsive and obscene. - a very good starter to a wonderful poem.

Forgive this generalization
of your age group as a whole,
but you're now sulky misfit
or just an acne-ridden soul. - it's annoying to admit but yes, it's true.

You’re a juvenile delinquent
and a menace to society.
You’re crazy, instantaneous,
rebellious, and rioty.

You’re a room-dwelling skulker
and a creature of the night,
who stays out at odd hours
and sleeps when it’s light. - Definitely!

You’re in a constant dark mood;
you’re either upset or you’re mad.
You’re a master of sarcasm—
Gee thanks a lot, Dad!

But even though you’re a vandal
and a wide spreader of litter,
you’re still the parent’s first call
when they're in need of a sitter! - Don't know why but yes, this is what really happens to teens worldwide.

LOVE IT! This made me laugh...
p.s.- "rioty" = not a word.
KEEP WRITING, THIS LOOKS GREAT!

Hahahahahahahahahaha...

That is all.

I looove this!

It's so true. You have all the stereotypes we go through. And no I am not 11, like this thing seems to say. I'm 17. Lol.

Anyway, the last stanza is my favourite. I get that a lot. Lol.
Anyway, do keep up the good work. I don't think I can say anything that hasn't already been said.

X

Thanks so much for the advice, you guys!!! As you can see, I've edited the poem a bit, but with rhyming poems it's always hard to get the rhythm right! Anyway, thanks again for your encouraging comments and support! (:

Hey, I loved this. It is something, as a new teen, I can easily relate to. I could just picture it in my head.

Keep writing
JJxVoodo

Also I am new here so I was wondering if any of you critics could take a look and show me how a true writer does a piece

viewtopic.php?t=79955 Chapter 1
viewtopic.php?t=80072 Chapter 2

I absoultelty adored this piece! It had a really good flow and the imagery worked well. My only thing is that rioty is not a word. Otherwise this was really good, I would love to see more of your writing.

I loved this The language you used was nice, as you varied your vocabulary. I loved the first verse, it introduced the poem very well and told us what it was all about. I loved this verse

You’re a room-dwelling skulker
and a creature of the night,
who stays out at odd hours
and sleeps when it’s light.

Thats SO funny because I just turned 13, an official teenager, myself. So I had an immeaditate connection to the poem. I really liked it, its overall really sweet and simple. Thank you

I loved this! I can't really think of anything negative to say about it! It's so true:)

Forgive this generalization
of your age group as a whole,
but you’re now a sulky and
scowling acne-ridden soul.

You’re a juvenile delinquent
and a menace to society.
You’re crazy, instantaneous,
rebellious, and rioty.

Teee hee hee, funnyness! It's my 13th B-DAY! How silly. I really like the poem. Good Luck.
Brook

Heyy! This made me laugh, but there was one part that stumped me...

Happy Birthday, my child!
You’re now officially a teen.
And according to society,
you’re rebellious and obscene.

...

You’re a juvenile delinquent
and a menace to society.
You’re crazy, instantaneous,
rebellious, and rioty.

Haha I loved this it was very catch and such a creative idea! I saw nothing wrong with the poem that really bugged me or felt out of place, other than maybe adding more on the end. That might just be me because I liked it so much and I wanted more, haha so whatever you choose.
My favorite part was:
"Forgive this generalization
of your age group as a whole,
but you’re now a sulky and
scowling acne-ridden soul."
It flowed really well and made me laugh Thanks for posting! Great job on the flow of this piece and your rhyming was right on!
Peace,
Snickerdooly

This made me smile (which is kind of odd, considering the subject). The stereotypes are quite true, and you've captured it well. Just about any person can relate to this, but you've done it through a rather humorous way, so it's all the better. I loved the last stanza, as well as the fourth. Well done!

sarahjane97 wrote:Happy Birthday, my child!
You’re now officially a teen.
And according to society,
you’re rebellious and obscene. Love this whole stanza. It's a great opener, it pulls the reader in, and best of all, it actually flows! It's not forced (or so I can tell, at least), which is sometimes hard to find in a poem written by a teenager about a teenager.

Forgive this generalization
of your age group as a whole,
but you’re now a sulky and
scowling acne-ridden soul. Not as impressed by this stanza as I was the second, but it is still good and ridden with potential! My main concern is that the last two lines could flow a little better than they are.

You’re a juvenile delinquent
and a menace to society.
You’re crazy, instantaneous,
rebellious, and rioty. One, "rioty" is not a word, and although I am one for using made-up words in dialogue, in verse or sentences, I don't think it really works. Also, same thing here as with the last: try to match up the last two lines a little better.

You’re a room-dwelling skulker
and a creature of the night,
who stays out at odd hours
and sleeps when it’s light. I like this. It really does sum up the norm for a teen, doesn't it?

You’re in a constant dark mood;
you’re either upset or you’re mad.
You’re a master of sarcasm—
Gee thanks a lot, Dad! I like the last line in this. It made me smirk a little to myself. Though if I were you, I would find some way to add one or two more syllables to the third line, as then it would flow a little better (or at least to me it would).

But even though you’re a vandal
and a spreader of litter,
you’re still the first parent’s call (I would change this to "you're still the parents' first call"
when they need a sitter!

But even though you’re a vandal
and a spreader of litter,
you’re still the first parent’s call
when they need a sitter!

scowling acne-ridden soul.