To My Stalker

This was a very good poem, and I really did enjoy reading it. I made me scared for you, but hopefully your real life stalker isn't like this in real life.

Binoculars
are in your hand.
Collect my hair,
you have a strand.

It was wonderful. Very intense, right on the verge of creepy alittle. I don't know if you meant to do it but the very ending,
"So, I warn you,
lousy mutt, - you kinda lost the rhythm here. Maybe, you should put "you lousy mutt
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!"
but I love how this just lightens it all up. I think that's what makes it such a great poem. That despite it's seriousness there's this little bit of humor to lighten it all up.

I'm pretty sure I understand what you mean... You do keep a fairly lighthearted statement in the creepiness of the poem, per the final stanza. Well, written... I'll have to discover more of this poetry...

Great poem, I loved it.. funny but true

...btw, who was this stalker?

A nice poem albeit creepy but I think it did the trick. I hope your stalker is reading this so he knows what's gonna happen to him. Anyway, bits and pieces of help.

Stalker, stalker,
following me,
outside my house,
and in my tree. - you can't really get into a tree, unless there's a hollow, so better to use 'on'. It will make much more sense.

Binoculars
are in your hand.
Collect my hair,
you have a strand. - Love this stanza. This is really creepy though.

Peer through my windows - since you started off as in the present continuous tense, you should continue as such. "peering".
all the night.
To watch me sleep,
to give me fright.

I get phone calls
to sometimes hear,
your heavy breathing
oh, so near.

I told the school.
I told a cop.
No one's around
to make it stop.

I lock my doors,
and windows, too.
But I'm afraid
it won't stop you.

All through the night
you crawl and creep.
I don't know how
I get to sleep.

One night, I know,
you'll come right in,
prepared to take
your dirty sin.

But I'm not weak,
and I can fight.
A fact you'll learn
some fateful night.

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt, - you kinda lost the rhythm here. Maybe, you should put "you lousy mutt
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

This poem is very intriguing! It seriously gives me the chills when you say:

Peer through my windows
all throughthe night.
To watch me sleep,
to give me fright.

From what I've glanced at, the majority thinks it needs fixing of some sort. I like it just the way it is!

Good job

I was amused.

i like it short simple phrases with a good meaning! lol

I feel bad because I'm technically a stalker (my stalkee knows who I am though) and this poem is serious, but funny. I loved the last stanza. The first one is worded weirdly (but that could be just me) but good job for a first poem! Ah I remember my first poem, and this one is a lot better than that one.

Yay! Now I can say the same thing about your poem. It rhymes!!!! haha, don't you feel a sense of accomplishment after you get done with a poem or story? For me, it's like a weight lifted off my shoulders, that I've been thinking about for .....forever.

This is exactly how I also feel about the stalker:

Oh creepy stalker,
can't you see?
You freak people out,
so let us be!

Here are some suggestions that I'll make:

MOIMOW wrote:Stalker, stalker,
following me,
outside my house,
and in my tree. I know "tree" was put there to keep the rhyme, but, don't change it, I like it!

Binoculars
are in your hand.
Collect my hair,
you have a strand.Collect my hair, you have a strand--This might be worded wrong, try rephrasing it.

Peer through my windows
all throughthe night.
To watch me sleep,
to give me fright.

I get phone calls
to sometimes hear
your heavy breathing
oh so near.

I told the school.
I told a cop.
No one's aroundButno one's around
to make it stop.

I lock my doors,
and windows, too.
But I'm afraid
it won't stop you.

All through the night
you creep and crawl. I think I like this more than crawl and creep.
I don't know how
I sleep at all.

One night, I know,
you'll come right in,
prepared to do
your dirty sin. I don't think "take" is right here...maybe.."do" would be better, because he's doing the sin.

But I'm not weak,
and I can fight.
A fact you'll learn
some fateful night. Nice!

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

Lol. This was brilliant. I hope after practice I can be that good I loved it all!

Keep writing and good luck
JJxVoodo

Ahaa this did make me chuckle. It had a certain bounce to it, a fast paced rhythm which made it enjoyable to read.

One night, I know,
you'll come right in,
prepared to take
your dirty sin.

Thanks so much, everyone! You guys make my day! I'll consider what everyone's said. Please, keep commenting!

Woot! Woot! Looooovvveee it! Great for your first poem on YWS, mine was lousy and probably had something to do with peanut butter. Anyway, deleted it a long time ago, but this is ggggrrrreeeeeaaaatttttt!!!!!
Keep writing!

......DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING! XD

Seriously, you can take the suggestions before me, but I think the poem's fine without them. You made something very scary very humorous.

Sorry bout the stalker.

Heyy! I have some edits for you.

Blue = comments
Red = edits

Stalker, stalker,
following me,
outside my house,
and in my tree.

Binoculars
are in your hand.
Collect my hair,
you have a strand. --> This part read really funky to me. Maybe try to reword it.

Peer through my windows
all throughthe night. --> through should be added.
To watch me sleep,
to give me fright.

I get phone calls
to sometimes hear --> to should be changed to and
your heavy breathing
oh so near.

I told the school.
I told a cop.
No one's around
to make it stop. --> Nice!

I lock my doors,
and windows, too.
But I'm afraid
it won't stop you.

All through the night
you crawl and creep.
I don't know how
I get to sleep.

One night, I know,
you'll come right in,
prepared to take
your dirty sin. --> What sin? Explain more! Tell us what the sin is.

But I'm not weak,
and I can fight. --> Get rid of and
A fact you'll learn
some fateful night.

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

Omg. I know how that feels....ive had some stalkers...not gonna get into the specifics. But I did like the rhyming and it made me laugh, especially at the end.

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

I loved this, MOIMOW. The rhyming was pretty good overall, and any mistakes I found were already pointed out to you by the first reviewer. I loved the last stanza, too.

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

HA! This was utterly humorous. I mean, okay, stalkers aren't exactly funny business, but the very last stanza:

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

This is awesome. Creepy, yes, but very legit. Silentwords already sniffed out everything I could find. The rhyming was excellent! It has a great rhythm. You may consider capatalizing each line to make the poem look uniform and official and stuff like that, but that's easily done. Oh, and I know that you've talked to people to try and stop this already, but remember that the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Great poem and keep writing!!

Great poem, creepy.. but still very good! The rhymning and story are both great (:

Here are some suggestions/corrections:

Stalker, stalker,
following me,
outside my house,
and in my tree.

Binoculars
are in your hand.
Collect my hair,
you have a strand.

Try to rephrase this stanza. The first line needs another word or two, and "collect my hair, you have a strand", doesn't really make sense. I understand what you are trying to say, but just word it diferently.

Peering through my windows
all through the night.
To watch me sleep,
to give me fright.

I get phone calls
and sometimes hear
your heavy breathing
oh so near.

I told the school.
I told a cop.
Butno one's around
to make it stop.

I lock my doors,
and windows, too.
But I'm afraid
it won't stop you.

All through the night
you crawl and creep.
I don't know how
I get to sleep.

One night, I know,
you'll come right in,
prepared to take
your dirty sin.

But I'm not weak,
and I can fight.
A fact you'll learn
some fateful night.

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!