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Flow here and I'm going to try and give you a decent review today. I haven't attempted in a while so bare with me.

First of all, this has nothing to do with the poem, when someone reviews your work on here, and you want to comment on it, it's better to do it on their page. Just leave a note on their wall. That way on here when you are trying to read comments it's not crowded. Also not many people come back to see what you have said.

Back to the poem now. To be honest it seems like a very long cliché rant. I was enjoying it at the very beginning and the end as well was very strong, but in the middle you lost me. I can relate to every emotion that you are portraying here but while writing it you have to put the emotion in it. Just because I can relate doesn't mean that everyone can relate. You have to give them reason to feel what you are feeling. You can't just throw in common words with overused topics to get people's attention.

I think in this you need some more colorful descriptions and adjectives. You read this, like I said before, a rant. If you add some descriptions in this it would seem less like the normal I hate myself emo poem. I'm sure they have help topics on this somewhere. It has taken me years to make a decent poem and most of mine still suck ha.

Ok. Punctuation was quite the controversy here. You said you went with now using hardly any and I understand this quite well. The thing is, when you used it, it was wrong. You have the first line punctuated as a question, but the whole poem is a question. I think adding some commas here and there might help you because with the the question mark at the beginning it seems jumbled. I would take out the first question mark and put it at the end of your (what should be) first stanza. (I'll give an example later on)

In the very very part of the poem you use the word you a good deal. I don't think that it flows with the very first two lines. You have a flow going after that but everything has to fit together. After hate yourself it breaks and then again when you start talking about your friends. I would consider changing this to stanza's so that you can read it better. When you don't have stanza's you expect the flow to fit like a puzzle piece in a puzzle. Break the poem up where you flow breaks. It still needs to flow, but that might help a little. Otherwise things will need to be reworded.

In one part of this you put HER in all caps. I don't find this needed here. I think it would look better if you just put it in quotes "her" or italics would look even better than that. You have some words put on one line alone. Sometimes this works, and yet again sometimes it looks choppy. I'm surprised it didn't get commented on. It's totally up to you where to keep it that way or not. I didn't really notice it messing things up, so that's a good sign.

Last but now least the last two lines of the poem. In the very beginning you had the last two lines in one line. It wasn't separated and if you are going to separate it do it in the beginning. If your going to use repetition keep it the same.

Other than that I like this I feel you pain because that is how I feel about myself. You would be surprised how well I can relate to you. Nobody understands why I feel the way I do especially my boyfriend, I just do. I to know it's true but it's just something that I will deal with for the rest of my life. There is always a story behind our feelings and I know you have one to. If you ever need or want to talk about it I'm here for you. I'm here as a person who understands. I'm not going to be the person that tries to make you feel better about yourself, I'm the person that listens and understands.

Don't think I was being mean about reviewing your poem. I saw that your new and I know how it feels. I know I probably sounded harsh but I'm just trying to help. If you need any help with anything please do let me know.

-Flow-

Hi. O.K. so lets get right to reviewing. Note: I haven't read the other reviews so sorry if I repeat things.

The first thing that I noticed is that you don't seem to now the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. 'Your' is basically a word that means of our relating to you. It is your book, your body. It is yours; you own it. 'You're' is basically 'you are' in one word. So for example when you say

You dump all
You're problems
On you're friends

You dump all
You are problems
On you are friends

You dump all
Your problems
On your friends

Do you know
How it feels?
To hate
Yourself
You mess
Everything up
You care all to much

Do you know how it feels?
To hate yourself
You mess everything up
You care all to much

Ah, yeah, punctuation does make things very different. I'm glad you can make that choice by yourself though. That's great. I'm so proud of you for being strong. Just keep going through life just the way you are. You'll get through every hard time!

Thank you for that review. On the pucation problem, I made the choice not to use puncation. Now I've been given advice to use puncation but some people have told me that it makes the poem differrent and now I'm not sure if I should change it or not. Same thing with the stanzas. I will edit this shortly. Also thank you for the conceron your very kind. I do love god and I've tealized that I can't change things. Now I am rying to be strong and ger through this hard time in my life.

First of all, this poem is great. My heart just split open for you! I just wanted to give you a hug, or SOMETHING! And, before I get into the grammar part of this, I will elaborate some more about the feelings behind this. I have actually never hated myself, but I know what it feels like to regret a lot of things that you have done in the past. But, I realized that life can't be perfect, and we can't go in the past and erase or change anything at all. Once we realize that, we will know that, life is really sad, and the sad things overpower the good in our daily lives. BUT, when we see that there are many more great things in our lives, which we haven't even NOTICED before, we will learn to appreciate them. Life will be easier, and much better. Also, my religion has gotten me through it, I'm not sure if you love God, but, He has gotten me through life.

Ok, now time for grammar. Yipee! At first, as I started to read this, I was looking for a period, or a comma. Then I realized ...hmm...no punctuation at all! Except in the end. I thought it was a little strange, but, then I actually got used to it. It's just different. I'm not sure if it would be any better with punctuation or not. Maybe you should try reading it both ways, to see if you want to add any punctuation. I think, if anything, you should definitely add a question mark after "Do you know how it feels to hate yourself?"

One last thing, I think the 1 should be replaced with ..one..

Thanks for writing this. I hope my review helps you a lot.

Thank you very much for all the kind reviews. I never thought this many people would like my poetry. It makes me very happy to know that most of you like my poetry. Also to everyone who has shown concern about me thank you. Everyone on here is mostly very sweet. I promise to look at people's work who has reviewed mine. Thank you for the people that said I did a good job on this or that they really liked this poem. It means the world to me.

There's nothing I would recommended for this because I actually think it's fine the way it is. The rhythm gets a little strange but thats actually one of the things I like about it. The imperfections in a perfect poem.

It really did bring out a lot of emotions in me. I realize that although I've felt this way so many times, I never considered writing about it. I never thought it would be interesting enough. Things always have to be specific to me. But this was so... fabulous. Although it makes me kind of sad, I'm fine with reading it over and over again. I'm not exactly sure you care that I feel this way, but I like to know how my pieces make people feel, so I thought I'd... I don't know... yeah. I envy you for actually writing this hatred down.

Amazingly well done!

Hey!

Fortunately I don't know what it feels like to hate myself, but I know what it feels like to hate someone and be hated by someone. It doesn't feel too good. So I can imagine hating yourself does not give you a good feeling either. Alright, on to the poem...I didn't find any edits to this poem. I loved the way I could feel the emotions leaping out at my as I read this. The format was...interesting...but it worked well for this. Keep it up, this is great!

-Jessa

As the others have said, I really liked the poem. You're good at expressing your feelings and emotions, etc. Keep up the awesome writing

Thank you and I will. I plan to edit more tommorrow.

it's good. But try and link up some of the...I don't know what you call them in poetry terms but some of the lines...if you get what i mean. I just feel it's too long and could easily be made shorter.

Thanks for the review. I plan to edit it more tommorrow. I alson have onemore poem posted I would love it if you reviewed that. Thank you for your concern everyone on here is very nice and kind. I might just take you up on that offer to talk though.

I read your poem, and you already know, that most people go through these emotions, a lot. A lot more than they should but I'm not that worried about them because I'm sure that they have someone who will take of them.
I am more worried about YOU because if this is your life you are describing then you can talk to me about it if you want, seriously I'm not kidding!

Now let's get back to your poem, I agree with animekaratepup that some lines are really short and some are really long and they really don't go with the flow. You should take more care of your grammar, well, other than that it's seriously very good and damn true.

I would love more of your poems, so you inform me if you want me review anything.

You should also remember that you are the best in every possible way and it doesn't matter what people think about you. you shouldn't be sad so much or think about 'hate' or 'hurt' because it's not healthy! you can PM me anytime you want if you want to talk something....

Thank you but everything in that poem is true and please don't be sad for me. You should be happy.

Hey I really liked this it had emotion and everything in it. But I'm not worried about this poem I'm sad for you! You cannot think of yourself like this! I'm gonna PM you!

Thank you for the review but trust me if you met me you would realize that I'm not good or awsome and I am right about myself.

Yup. Mostly.

You use "your" when you should use "you're" and there was you missing its u in there somewhere. And it's writing, with one t.

Also, I don't think there should be as many line breaks, and divide this into stanzas.

And your friends are probably right, actually-I tell some of my friends they're awesome (because they really, truly are) and they don't seem to get it.

You're better than you think you are, and you can overcome this.