elephantwalrus

This is a sweet idea. Many of the rhymes seemed forced, though. The flow was off, as well. The only way to fix these things is to keep on practicing. ...

This is an interesting piece, but with a little more work, it will be a lot better. We all have to agree take out comma that parties are fun. If ...

I understand what you're saying in this piece, but honestly, it doesn't interest me. It never captured my attention. To make it more interesting, I'd suggest adding figurative language and ...

This was a very original idea. The only thing that I didn't like about the piece is that you repeat the images that you use. They are good images, but ...

Yep, Snoink covered all the bases :) . With the simple thoughts and images that you use in this piece, shorter is better (in my opinion). You have a good ...

This seems kind of repetitive, but I get what you are saying. Sorry for your suffering :( . You could do more with imagery and really make this piece a ...

Sorry for your suffering :( You could do more with these ideas if you wanted to. If you played around with imagery, you could really bring what you are feeling ...

Yea...what's the theme here? What's the point of this piece? Your diction is good, but unless you have a purpose, the poem is worthless. If it did have a purpose, ...

This piece is sort of choppy, but it has a nice voice. The main critique that I have is concerning the last line: “So, I guess by now you can ...

This is a nice piece; the rhythm flows smoothly, making the piece very easy going. I liked the diction of the piece, but the voice was dull. Maybe that’s just ...

This was so sweet! I am truly impressed. This is one of the best stories I've read in a while. The only grammatical thing that stood out was "She was ...

Hmm...you have good opinions, but your expression of them could use some work. First off, don't use the word "peace" so many times. It felt like you used the word ...

I agree with all the grammatical changes that Izzyeyore made. I noticed that you changed from past to present tense a couple times, especially during the dialog; make sure the ...

My biggest critique is that you use the name "Tom" at least 13 times in this piece. You could replace more than half of those with pronouns. Also: you start ...

Oooooh....I like the imagery in this! Especially the dancing on the ceiling. That image is really original, in my opinion. Now, for the critique: This one has me pinned Between ...