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Comments & reviews · 12
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shanan-cat
Review

Interesting!
*gives round of applaus*

What a weird topic my fellow...
Wished it had rhymed, would have made it more interesting to read.

I don't think that you need to put a period after each sentence, maybea comma would be better. You hear me?
I didn't think that you had a real good thing going on there. What I mean to say is that it didn't really focus on one thing but more like ten? Not so much about a sin, and then what really caught me off guard was the fact that you ended it with someone splattering her dress with what? A can of worms? Where does that come in with sins?
I think that you should work on this a lot more than you did.
Pm me to review it again,
shanan-cat!

Random avatar
Jerry-Knight Comment

Poetry is not my strength, however I am not a great poetry critic ( also I am new) ,but I think its great. Again not any super amazing poet. Good job, (Oh God I am bad at being critical.)

User avatar
irishnavygirl
Comment

Okay... this poem had potential, but you described one dress then described another. It seemed very choppy and all over the place. Try to keep it less kryptic though.

User avatar
aestar101
Comment

I don't get it.

Random avatar
GamesEnd
Review

Okay first let me start by repeating the same old quote that i hear all the time " The poem is for the writer and maybe one other person and is not meant to be understood in its full form by anyone else."

That being said, I was also lost but it isn't the fact that i didn't fully grasp it that killed me (though being a little better to understand it would have sure helped). What really turned my like of this in to a luke warm pool of "I really don't care either way" was the double talk i think that you spent half of this poem contradicting yourself that isn't to say that is uncommon amongst poets, but it makes the piece harder to enjoy and much harder to love.

On the whole i did like it and i agree that the last line was just thrown in for contrast at the last moment without cause, but i do wanna see this in a wordier and maybe less rushed fashion i really think i would love it.

User avatar
blacktiger3915
Comment

It was good. I'm mad that I didn't understand it fully, but I know it had a deep meaning to it because I know how you think. Keep up the good work and your hair is pretty today! You look like a new woman!

Salve. I am SimonCowellLuver and I am hear to say that your little poem here is pretty good matter of fact. But the title i think has nothing to do with the poem. That is the one thing i have to say is make sure the title is a good title for the poem.

Make sure it fits appropiately not just out-of-the-blue kind of title. Sorry to be harsh but i think you should change the title to something that makes sense to the poem.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me anytime.

Have a good day. SimonCowellLuver

User avatar
yoha_ahoy
Comment

Cool. I really liked the imagery in this. I may not have understood it, but not all poetry is meant to be understood. Interesting. Keep writing!

~Yoyo 8)

User avatar
Firearris
Review

Hi Darkdove.

Same as the others, I can't tell what the theme is. I don't really like it because of that, but if the theme was more clear, then the reader might enjoy it more. The only thing I noticed besides that is a small mistake:

A baby doll dress navy,black and white.
You forgot a space before black, after the comma.


Thats about it,

~Fire

Yea...what's the theme here? What's the point of this piece? Your diction is good, but unless you have a purpose, the poem is worthless. If it did have a purpose, it wasn't clear enough, and if it didn't, the piece is just a bunch of words on my computer screen.

Other then that, I would suggest not using so many periods. It made the reading very choppy.

Like I said before, it needs work, but you have good diction. Keep writing!

User avatar
LunaBuna43
Review

I liked it. Very interesting. Only part I didn't understand was this;

the can of worms were spilled all over her pleated red dress.


It doesn't fit well in this poem. Other than that, great job!

~Lulu :smt118

User avatar
Firestar
Comment

Sorry but I didn't get what this poem was about. It sounded so good at first but then you lost me. So the verdict is good use of words, but if you lose the people that read it, it really doesn't matter what words you use.



today we are possible.
— Lucille Clifton