Tom looked at the map of Compava and frowned.
“ Is it just me, or doe’s…Compava look strangely like England?”
Tom looked up and saw that Sammy was sleeping in the seat next to him. Tom then noticed that Violet’s eyes were closed too.
Tom took that as a way to figure out what’s in her bag right next to her seat.
He leaned across the aisle and putted his hand on the bag, he was ready to pull when she suddenly opened her eyes and grabbed Tom’s wrist’s and looked ready to break them off when she saw that they were Tom’s. She freed Tom and continued closing her eyes.
“ Crazy….Girls are crazy. One kick‘s you in the groin, the other wants to break off your arm.”
Tom looked at Violet again and sighed. The only reason they know her name was because of the name tag. She never told her name to them, in fact, She never has even spoken a word. Even those two brute’s in the seat’s behind them never spoke.
“ Just one word.” Tom whispered and looked out the window at the pacific ocean.
Then Jeff started to snore. “ That’s a start.” Tom groaned and putted a pillow over his head.
Tom was still looking out the window when the plane landed.
“ I’m awake…I’m awake!”
Sammy Still kept shaking her head as Tom began to poke her.
“ What is it?” Sammy groaned.
“ Funny you should ask…”
“ I didn’t.” Sammy groaned and turned over. Tom grabbed her and pointed outside.
“ Wow.”
Outside was a line of soldiers in gas mask’s and blue environment suits.
“ Who are they?” Sammy gasped,
“ Well, they ain’t the girl scout’s selling cookies.” Tom Said in a western draw.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
My biggest critique is that you use the name "Tom" at least 13 times in this piece. You could replace more than half of those with pronouns. Also: you start a lot of sentences with "Tom did this" and "Tom did that." Try using more sentence variety.
Other then that, I have nothing to say. Keep writing!
Also, “doe’s” is supposed to be “does”. The space between “does” and “Campava” seems a bit awkward. The sentence starting with “He leaned across the aisle….” is a bit long. Other than that it was really funny and leaves you wanting more.
Thanks for sharing this great story,
Trick
That was great, my only comment is your use of the apostrophe-s. Here are the little things I noticed:
should be brutes
plain old wrists, since it's not a contraction for "it is"
wrists is..? i think not
putted should be put, like sitted is sat, irregular verbs i know
masks is a plain plural, not a contraction so masks not mask's
same thing for girl scout's versus girl scouts
Said doesn't need to be capitalized, it's not after a period
draw should be drawl
Sorry about the evil edit/critique-ing!!!
Other than plain old grammar I really like it!