cvandoren1

*The days past slowly.- The days pass slowly. *The crew had started taking a few people up on deck each day, for some fresh air. But this did nothing to ...

I also started to do the NaNoWriMo challenge and fell behind because of school, so I totally understand. *something rotting sung her nose- I've never heard of 'sung' used this ...

" of Ben James the Boy With Two Names, " * You should put a comma in front of Boy "Juno has safely been delivered into the heavily-muscled arms of ...

"the crowded-sounding auditorium" *This doesn't flow very well, so you might want to try and find another way to describe the auditorium, such as "the noisy auditorium". "I can’t breathe. ...

Nice references with the hanging. "you came to school hungover" *I would change came to went When Asteria is arguing with her dad, I feel like you don't need to ...

You talk about how Juno is confused by the noise at her school. But I thought that blind people's hearing and other senses become much sharper and stronger. So I ...

I like your little "Frey's Fatal Failure". And the way you describe Frey's English teacher is hilarious! "“Freyr Highlander,” calls Mrs. Leicester, the English Knowledge-Demon." *just a typo . . ...

"“Can we take the elevator today?” I’m not feeling stairs today." *the "stairs" the second time sounds kind of repetitive. You could probably just leave that out. "Ben James The ...

"she has to leave way earlier in the mornings" *I would take out "way" because it sounds kind of lazy and unprofessional. You could try putting in a synonym. "at ...

"If a simple thing like eating is difficult," *I would emphasize on the fact that when you say "eating is difficult", you are talking about Frey's encounter with Asteria and ...

"I can practically feel the sarcasm dripping off my voice." *I would replace the word "practically" with "almost". "I know are there but can't see." *add in a comma after ...

"Juno's figure—or Asteria" *I would add in a 's after Asteria "all 18 years" *usually it looks better whenever you write out the number word, instead of the number "18 ...

""Thanks, Asteria," I say, feeling my face grin." *I would reword "feeling my face grin". That just kind of sounds weird. "because for years, he was" *because, for years, he ...

""hook," is a sentence" *you don't need that comma "as if the writers' work alone is not enough to satisfy them. What an insult to the writer's capabilities!" *first you ...

""Who is Okami?" Asked Suzie." *change "Asked" to "asked" "I yelled back over the blair of the radio" *blair should be blare; why would you "yell back" when the other ...