bubblewrapped

Bwahahahah we rock! I dont think I can crit this properly - I'm not exactly unbiased, given that I'm a character in the thing ahaha. But a couple of minor ...

It has potential, I'll give you that. At this stage, though, I have a few problems with the piece: 1. Punctuation. That's the thing - there is none. Or rather, ...

Erm. No offense, but is there a point to this poem? This is more like what Snoink might call a "shopping-list". You're describing things to us, but you dont lead ...

No offense, but this sounds more like a character sketch than the beginning of a story. It's a bit short to get a good idea of your style, but the ...

Tear it up? No way! I like this, it's interesting. But (and you knew this was coming) there are a few flaws... 1. Rhythm. When it's on target, it's awesome. ...

Haha that was great. I am a sucker for a funny teen story. Unfortunately I liked it so much I am compelled to give a completely thorough critique... SO! Things ...

"I am Nancy Nimbleheimer, and I have come to conquer the world!" I wish I'd had this dream, LMAO. It sounds like a great deal of fun. I second BlackDove ...

Life is why we are all here, So cruel and fickle, One moment, we are on cloud nine, The next, in total despair. OK. No offense, but my attention is ...

I dont have time for a full critique now, but there are a couple of points I'd just like to make while I can: 1. Simplify. You need to make ...

Hey, I quite enjoyed this. Especially the last line. Very poignant! I think there are a few things that could be polished a bit however, notably your description and punctuation/grammar. ...

Love it :D I would nitpick a few things, but I dont have time right now. All I can really say is that in some parts the repetition is a ...

**is shanghaied** mahaha I love that word. **sees people looking at her strangely** What? Anyway, lets get down to work. OPENING REMARKS: I like this. I'm not usually one for ...

I agree - a lovely poem. I particularly like the way it was divided up: it was unusual and seemed a bit odd at frst, but it held my attention ...

Hahahahahahaha...OMG **worships Jiggy** I love this. Seriously. You just made my entire day. :lol: :lol: I particularly love the "dont do drugs" part. Haha! Have you learned the lesson yet? ...

Random digression: "Seeing the Blue Between." I have that book! :D Anyway. I like the message, Scribus, but I agree with cadmium, it does come off as a bit ... ...