Life

Life is why we are all here,
So cruel and fickle,
One moment, we are on cloud nine,
The next, in total despair.

OK. No offense, but my attention is wandering already. Hmm, I'm thinking. Fickle. Sounds like Pickle. Which reminds me of McDonalds. Mmm. McDonalds....**Homer Simpson moment**

Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that:

1. Your beginning is boring. You need to hook the reader, not make her think of dinner! Try something unusual, something bold. You know those kids in class who always read out their assignments or whatever in a flat monotone? That's what I'm getting here. Flatness. Why not try some fireworks?

2. Um. Cliche alert! This has been done so many times before. Try something new!

Why couldn't life be easy?
Why did there have to be sadness and depression?
Why are we surrounded by war, death and terrorism?
Yet no-one seems to care.

Good questions, but ultimately pointless. You dont go into them in detail and to be honest, if nobody cares, why are you writing this poem? Clearly, you care, and if you care chances are others do too. I do like the middle lines, though. They kind of have an appealing beat and the almost-rhyme has great potential.

However life is not all that bad,
We learn a lot of things from it,
How to love and to care,
To know right and wrong,

Vary your punctuation a bit. There's no need to have a comma at the end of every line. Oh, and why have you suddenly changed from "life is so horrible" to "life is so great"? What is so great about knowing the difference between right and wrong? Didnt that get Adam and Eve kicked out of the Garden of Eden? Seriously though, this abrupt change is kind of...awkward. Try to expand this a bit.

We should all be grateful,
For the life that we have,
Some are not as lucky as us,
Some live in isolation and poverty.
We could make a difference if we all agreed to,
So come on, think of others, others than yourself!

To be honest, this was a little preachy for me. There's more to poetry than having a Message. Also, it wasnt very personal, involved no imagery and no attempt to connect with the reader. No offense, but it was rather flat and empty. Try injecting some life with images, metaphors, similes and the like. Develop some poetic language and draw your reader in, show her (or him) what you think and feel and why without resorting to spelling it out. It works better that way

I totally agree with you. Life is way to short for what-if's. So you might as well live it to the fullest. Unlike everyone else, I think it's a great poem and doesn't need any work. Good job.

I agree with Ofour. This flows pretty well, but it doesn't grab me in any way. It might work for a Hallmark card, but if you were going for something interesting, it's not working. Next time, go for showing your main idea to us through imagery. Keep writing!

"Life is why we are all here" - I don't really agree. Life is not a reason.

"Yet no-one seems to care" - again, I disagree.

" others than yourself" - that doesn't make sense.

I'll be honest. This is a good poem but I don't like the ideas contained within. It's a bit preachy and everyone gets that all the time, I'm not saying people don't need to hear it, I'm saying people hear it enough already.

yes
this was very good I loved the way you wrote it so keep it up.

Moved to Poetry