I enjoyed reading this, it was really well-done, the only part that I would maybe change is:
I know you live in the middle
of nowhere because I turned
my back to the city skyline
and drove all the way
to your place on the shortest
day of the year and wrote this
part of the poem in the parking lot
waiting for you to come down.
I would connect these two stanzas into one somehow because the flow is off. I enjoyed this more than i've enjoyed any poetry in awhile.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
I agree - a lovely poem. I particularly like the way it was divided up: it was unusual and seemed a bit odd at frst, but it held my attention and made me curious, and it really seemed to fit with the poem itself. I also loved the way you moved the poem along with the narrator, and the last two stanzas are very nicely put
I think this is one for the favourites file!
Loved it, Incan, and that's saying a lot considering I'm not generally fond of most poetry.
I don't know a lot about poetry, but I wouldn't connect those two stanzas. It wouldn't really seem to fit, having all those two-line verses, and then one long one. It works with having the two long verses, but I think that combined they would be too long and too different from the rest of the poem. If anything, I would divide those stanzas so they were like the rest, two lines. But I don't think any change is necessary. It's good like it is.