Published March 31, 2007
This is just the first two paragraphs of a story I'm writing, and before I continued I wanted to know if it's any good, and if I should continue...
please crit.
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A beautiful silvery-blond haired half-blood stood by the river. She had long silvery hair, glowering green eyes, and a slight point in the tip of her ears. Slightly curving at the top, it could almost pass as a human’s ear. But, she knew she never would be a human. As much as she hoped, and wished, it would never happen. Being a half blood always frustrated her. All of her friends were short yet lean and strong, with long flowing hair, and piercing grey eyes.
And here she was, stuck in the middle. She was not as athletic, or lean, or even as powerful as all the others.
Her hair would never be the length of the others, nor the faded color. She would never have grey eyes, but always the radioactive green eyes. As far as the powers went, others had the abilities of their fathers. They had fire, earth, air, or water powers, the elements, as usual with most elves. Serena, on the other hand, would always have the powers that make her an outcast. With the power of physic, and darkness, she would always be considered evil. This, of course, is not at all true. She had a kind heart, and although curious and a bit sardonic, she was always quick with words.
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You should certainly continue with your story (and that applies to everyone reading this).
However, might I suggest that you open the story with some sort of action (eg. a conversation) rather than a character description? Actions are a better way to open a story, as it helps to draw the reader right into the story.
I can see potential in it if the rest of the story goes well but right now I'm not too sure because I haven't seen the start of a plot. I agree with bubblewrapped in that this is a chracter sketch more than anything. I think there is lots of room for character developement here, so think carefully about what you write. But this is all speculation, please post more if you can.
I think you should continue this, but i agree with bubblewrapped. I also think you should have written a bit more. I haven't read enough to judge this yet.
No offense, but this sounds more like a character sketch than the beginning of a story. It's a bit short to get a good idea of your style, but the main problem? IMHO you're "telling" too much. Instead of describing your character I would advise simply dumping her into the action and letting your reader muddle out what she's like from your clues. In other words, show us what she's like, dont tell us.
So, for example, to demonstrate that she is an outcast, we could perhaps enter the story in a scene where she is being teased by the other children. Instead of telling us that her powers of "darkness" and "physic" (you mean "psychic"? Or medicine?) make her "evil", have them taunt her about being a black sheep, and use dialogue to hint at what makes her so unsatisfactory. Get it?
As a topic, the whole "half-blood elf" idea is a bit cliche, but I'm sure you'll think of a way to make the story-line unique.
Will be interested to read more.
Cheers,
~bubbles