bubblewrapped

The only thing I can see that is a problem here is a minor over-use of punctuation, which is easily cleared up XD Otherwise, this is a lovely piece - ...

Welcome to YWS :) You don't need to beg for feedback in the title, don't worry - we have an entire thread dedicated to that. Just follow the link in ...

This was an awesome concept and very creepy - well done. I do have some issues with the rhyming and the rhythm - both come across as kind of forced ...

An interesting concept, no doubt, but to be honest it really didn't hold my attention. I'm not sure why. I guess I felt that it seemed kind of purposeless - ...

Please don't bump old threads just to ask for more critiques - it unfairly adds to your review count and makes you look desperate ;). If you'd like people to ...

Please don't argue with the reviewers. They're taking the time to give you their opinion and deserve some respect. If you really don't care about people's advice or trying to ...

Against my better judgment, I kind of fell for this poem. It's sweet, and it follows the story well. You make it clear how the narrator feels without being overly ...

This was simple and straightforward, but competently handled. A couple of nit-picks before I start: you don't need to repeat "love is dangerous" at the end of that stanza (it ...

mizz_iceberg has pretty much covered everything I was going to say, so I'll just add a couple of general points. Firstly, I think you could probably have condensed this whole ...

To put it frankly, I think this poem is suffering from an over-abundance of punctuation and an under-abundance of context. The full stops at the end of each line spoil ...

Structurally, this is fairly sound; your rhythm is smooth and you only break the rhyme in the third stanza (which could arguably rhyme anyway, depending on how you pronounce the ...

Welcome to YWS :) On a structural level, this poem isn't too bad. Your rhyming is fairly smooth, and you only break rhythm in a few places. You might want ...

I'm afraid this poem kind of fell flat for me. Structurally, you pulled off the rhyming fairly well, and for the most part it did not feel forced, but your ...

Welcome to YWS :) June's pretty much covered most of what I wanted to say, so I'll just throw in some general advice. Firstly, punctuation. I say this a lot, ...

I agree with KA, your imagery is definitely unique. One of the main problems I had with the poem, though, was that many of your ideas seemed incomplete or to ...