SpiritedWolfe

Hey, Dark Raven! So, I'll start off with some things I jotted down as I was reading through this - From here, it became infinitesimally harder to continue. Since your ...

Hey, jwes! Welcome to YWS! I'm Wolfare and I'll be your first reviewer here~ So, your beginning can really use some work. In the start of a story, you don't ...

Hello, mcar! Welcome to YWS~ I'm Wolfare and I'll be your first reviewer. Alright, so to start this off, this is really, really short. The entire story could so very ...

Hey, Dark Raven! So, the last part where it left off was where Mandy had sneaked into the basement and had all that happen to her. But then it suddenly ...

Hey, Dark Raven! It's definitely times like these that I wish I hadn't jumped in when I did, since the tension would've been so much higher for me. Despite that, ...

Hey, Dark Raven! Right off the bat, I'm really confused about this Red Mist (chick?). I recall Deanie mentioning them in one of her reviews, but tricking Dave into thinking ...

Hello, Dark Raven! Alright, I don't have that much to say in this chapter, aside from the stuff I mentioned with the last dream. (Aside from having to back track ...

Hello, Dark Raven! Interesting to just see Mandy's diary this part. It seems interesting that it cuts right in the middle of all the action about Dave beating the guys ...

Yeah, this very first line kind of clears it up for me xD That's the one bad thing about parts, since you don't really get to see the entire thing. ...

Hey, Dark Raven! Quick little thing to start off with ~ ...when I got stabbed trying to stop two muggers, the same guys who’d been plaguing me and my friends, ...

Hey, Dark Raven! I completely agree with megsug when she says that there needs to be some kind of punctuation. When the sentences run so close together like that, it ...

Hello, Dark Raven! Let's dive right into the thick of things. ... even as I’m telling you this now. Alright, so up until this point, everything has been basically chronological, ...

Hey, Dark Raven! Alright, so I really don't think I understood what was happening in the last part of the chapter. Here, it then suddenly switches to him going on ...

Hey, Cynder! I'm going to attempt to be helpful again, because I saw this and was curious because of your last poem. Let's get started shall we? So, I'll probably ...

Hey, Spaulds! Alright, let's get down to it! I'll start off by saying you have some really lovely imagery in here, and the picture is very quickly painted in my ...