Rydia

There once was a young eight-year old boy named josh [A rather 'once upon a time' sort of beginning. Maybe try something a bit more imaginative.] and his mum had ...

First off, it's very short but for the moment I shall look past that... The red rocky ground. The stars that seemed to go on for eternity. The sandy taste. ...

Oh yeah, tell me about it. There are plenty of things I should have done different but didn't. I tried doing this once actually but I looked back on it ...

I thought these were okay but I'd like to see a more vivd passage of time. Maybe you should set each one in a different season and add the fourth. ...

“Tag, you’re it.” And the game begins. I whisper it to myself, though no one is around to hear. In my pocket, I hold the king in my hand, the ...

My Life's Blood rushes past as the knife of this world cuts deeper, [No need for a comma here.] and deeper, into my soul. My heavy soul which was once ...

I have started to develop a distaste for poems written in this style but somehow I like yours despite the tight constraints and repetition. Your rhythm and rhyme are superb, ...

The death of a child is long forgotten, When their death is planned years ahead. Taken form the world, As prisoners of pain and suffering. Who can say they deserve ...

Looking at how this poem has improved I'd like to say well done! This is much better than the first draft and some of your imagery is wonderful but I ...

I have to agree that the first stanza has a very choppy rhythm and I had to re-read several times. The idea behind this is interesting but your imagery and ...

At first, I wasn't sure about this one but then I re-read it and I like it. Your imagery is pleasant and your message is strong. Things are better appreciated ...

This was a bit unoriginal and I second that the persona needs a name. I want to knwo more about her thoughts, I want a meaning and plot beyind the ...

A dragonball z fan I presume? Interesting... “Hey Vejeta hurry up!” shouted Jake , carrying his school bag on his shoulders as he ran[s] he ran [/s]to keep up with ...

Claudette picked up on the repetition and typo and other than that, I thought it was a good piece of writing. I liked the change in perspective and the fact ...

Crack a cap, to slip it back; lubricated down the confines of your throat. The flow starts off rather well but this line disrupts it. I think that it would ...