Published June 18, 2007
I.
There are no cherries here, just flat blossoms
I would tuck into nests of cut grass, and sit
with hands stained earthy tones, waiting for birds
to land in the branches of my cherry tree.
II.
My father used to drive his red ride-on mower
through the wispy brown grass and wild raspberries.
Beyond them were sparking wires I was forbidden to touch,
so instead I stood and watched the horses whinny.
III.
The two oaks behind the house grew so close. Their roots
must have fallen together in the moist earth one summer,
and slept for all the quiet, frozen years, only watching and
waiting for birds to land in their entwined branches.
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Canary word: Present
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Thanks for the comments, guys! I really appreciate it. This poem was definitely an exercise in imagery for me, but I had a lot of trouble trying to get a meaning into it, so I totally agree with you on that, lack-of-getting-into-ness, Clau. And the poem is meant to be taken as a whole...were the numerals confusing?
Kitty-I try to avoid "seaon" poetry. I think it tends to sound childish or otherwise silly. I do see what you're saying about "place," though...I should clarify the setting.
Thanks again, all!
-Colly
This sounds exactly like the fields behind my house only a pear tree instead. I think you really captured the beauty of the field and the tree and the horses and all the other elements of the world you were creating. The three verses could be taken as a whole or as three separate poems and I don;t think it would make a difference. Nothing but praise here. Oh wait, one more thing. I know your capitalization was at the beginning of the sentence, but it didn't appeal aesthetically. Try capitalizing the first letter of every line. Bravo bravo encore!
I thought these were okay but I'd like to see a more vivd passage of time. Maybe you should set each one in a different season and add the fourth. That would add more of interest to the reader because at the moment, the images are quite pretty but it's just a place to us. This place may mean a lot to you but the reader needs to know more of it, needs to know not only the events that happened there but the beauty and enchantment that it holds.
This was absolutely beautiful, Colleen -- I loved it. In fact, I only have the tiniest little nit-pick for you: in III, the word "frozen" seemed very out of place. The impression I got from the whole poem was summery and warm, and I just didn't feel it fit. But the punctuation in I was all right, in my opinion.
Again, I'll say I really loved this. The language was simple, but it evoked beautifully wild and summery images. Very nice, dear.
Until next time,
Skye
I don't have much to say on these. Should the be taken as a whole, or on their own?
I. should be more punctuated, don't you think? The words felt dragging.
That's pretty much my only comment... XD
This aren't really "my kinds" of poetry. I can't get into them, move around, and feel comfy. I just don't feel anything. They're like observations of the world; but what does that do for me? They're pretty but, you get my point? [I couldn't explain it any better, anyway... ><]
Best of luck.