Pidgin_Princess

ok, you've got the right idea going. but I don't like the "weather report" at the beginning. I understand you're trying to set the mood, but I don't feel driven ...

wow! that was so sweet. It really caught me! I almost feel bad doing a line-by-line, but with some nitty-gritty details you'll have just about the most amazing poem ever!! ...

wow! that was really good. ok, now hold on while i find SOMETHING to critique... (half an hour later) aha! two things. 1. some of those middle lines don't need ...

GRRRRRRRRRR! my computer isn't working, so I can't give a full-out critique. ok, well this is a great story idea. really. it's just... dry. I mean, i read the words, ...

Great poem!! I love it. However, this one stanza bugs me: A thousand years, They’ve kept me away, From the world—your beautiful face So full of grace, lingers in the ...

That. Was. Amazing! a few gramatical errors and typos, but I honestly can't remember exactly what they were. I'm sure a quick read-through could help with that. Let's see... what ...

Wow, great poem! Keep writing in that style, I think you've found your calling! "Sheltered from pain by surrounding hurt" huh? I know kind of what you're going for but... ...

Yeah, you really ought to have more concern for your work. Although I strongly agree with your argument, I think this is a weak representation. To convince someone of something, ...

It's Anelise Critique time! Great story. I love the different phases and stuff. But you definately need some tweaking. Suggestions in BLUE , corrections in RED You know many would ...

*starts pulling out hair* aaaaaaaaaaaah! so many words! PLEASE space it out some more! Nice essay, but the words were so looooooooooooooooooooong. It brings the work to a screeching halt ...

well, I was going to attack the grammar, but Lylah pretty much did that for me. :smt019 so, I will do a nit-picky breakdown on it instead. suggestions in blue ...

Wow. I really enjoyed that! It could definately be longer, though. but not by much, because that'll bog down the suspense. And also, I thought the mom appeared kind of ...

*twilight zone music* wow. yeah, I couldn't find much, either. I would reccommend going back and expanding, since you wrote it so quickly. some parts seemed a little rushed. And ...

ok. so I really like your idea, but what exactly is this? A sonnet for the neighbor kid? or a poem about thunder? Maybe I am pointlessly rambling, but I'd ...

Yeah, that was great! Your writing style matched that of the book, so I almost forgot this wasn't part of it! You do need to make up your mind whether ...