Artamon's Lament

by Jiggity

Published August 5, 2007

In Poetry

These liquid skies,
Surround me with pearly light,
Silent, but for the eternal dance
Of stars. Atop the black tower, on a
Faraway moon, I await, with heartache in
My gaze.

A thousand years,
They’ve kept me away,
From the world—your beautiful face
So full of grace, lingers in the heavens
So close, in this dark space.

Ever present; the reminder of
My failure haunts my words,
My folly, across the deepest of gullies,
Taunts me: “I love you.”

The High Priest screeched sacrilege,
And the court was a-flutter, pretty little
Flowers covering a gutter of lies, scandal
And murder. Even as the chains bound my wrist
And shackled my mind, your whispered
Words released my soul: “I love you too.”

My need for vengeance, will be sated.
My long wait, is at an end. For the time
Shall come, when the worlds shall shatter;
Our love unbound, free at last, will soar across
The liquid skies.

--From Artamon's Lament

Comments & reviews · 3
Pidgin_Princess wrote a review Review · Aug 11, 2007

Great poem!! I love it. However, this one stanza bugs me:

A thousand years,
They’ve kept me away,
From the world—your beautiful face
So full of grace, lingers in the heavens
So close, in this dark space.


The rhyming makes the rest of the poem seem wierd. or the rest of the poem makes they rhyming wierd. one of the two. Can't you re-word it?

aside from that and the MSW sabotage, it's great! keep up the good work!

User avatar
Jiggity
Comment
Jiggity commented Comment · Aug 6, 2007

Lol, spanke very much Chandni. I blame the dictatorial Microsoft Word for the capitalization thingo; forgot to change it :wink:

Cheers

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Chandni
Review
Chandni wrote a review Review · Aug 6, 2007

Definitely pleasant :) There's not much I can say here, only that you shouldn't capitalize every single line ;)

It was a nice read, you parted your line breaks and stanza's well. Efficiently used words and no lack of punctuation what so ever oh I guess those might be the ingredients for an average poem ;)

We've seen the topic numbers of times and you managed to impress me still instead of finding myself reading another "seen-it-before" piece. And that adds the last ingredient towards a good poem -^^

Cheerios, Chandni



Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
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