PenguinAttack

Hi there, I don't think I've seen you around before, so it's nice to meet you. ^^ The mix of Old English and modern English grates here terribly. I would ...

Okay, so Jasmine has made some fabulous points and I completely agree. Also, I would pay attention to her suggested structure, it works nicely. You've not got much in the ...

Okay, so thunder is an amazing thing. I love it to bits and pieces. ^^ And I like the fact that you chose to do a poem entirely on it. ...

Hi there. ^^ The repetition of the first stanza - and all occurring repetition afterwards - wasn't effective. It stuck out and did nothing for your poem. I think you ...

Hey there Finchley, I like this, the flow was fantastic as I read it and I liked the meaning in there. I would completely get rid of the bracketed parts. ...

Hi there ^^ Okay, halfway though this you lose your rhyme scheme, not to destriment to your poem. I actually prefer your second half (when dividing at the change) to ...

Okay! Hello Blank_Ink. ^^ This borders on prose. There's no way to avoid that fact, the way this is now. You have these large blocks of text that just don't ...

Hey there. ^^ Now, I quite like this, it has flow and it's rather cute. The meaning is clear and sweet and I think you've done nicely with the description. ...

My mind all spinning Too scared to speak. I walk the halls of my mind - Repetition of “mind” here is noticeable, perhaps “conscious”? Stinging my ears as they grow ...

Ooooooh the repetition. I like the meaning of this, I think you can work with it. But reading it is a chore. The repetition grates and does nothing in particular. ...

Hi there! So, this obviously has a lot of meaning, and I enjoyed the comparison at the start, of the roses. But it loses touch. It's just a jumble of ...

“you clear the unnecessary chunks,” “chunks” loses the poem’s rhythm and derails the entire thing. For a while afterwards I just kept coming back to it, and not the rest ...

A chorus of singers Raptured and gentle The rhythm conducting their movement An electric pulse compels (All that hath life and breath Praise ye the Lord) < Perhaps italics not ...

Okay, so it's all very sweet and whatnot, and I do understand it's for someone special and is personal and whatnot... But you never answer the Why of it. Why ...

I see those eyes, Those eyes behind the trees. The ones that watch me, when you don’t think I’m looking. But I am. Here, I think you can completely nix ...