Okay, so it's all very sweet and whatnot, and I do understand it's for someone special and is personal and whatnot...
But you never answer the Why of it. Why is he all this to the persona? It's slightly wishy washy and a bit repetitive in the middle there. I have to say I couldn't feel much for the persona because it was all "youyouyou" Some description and imagery would be lovely here. Describe his touch, her smile, the whole lot, and let the reader into that world.
Luck with this. ^^
*Hearts* Le Penguin.
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