Published February 20, 2008
Love of my life, my soulmate
You're part of me like breathing
You're like a song I love to sing
Never thought your beat would match my rhythm
Couldn't imagine you keeping up with the pace
You're the shine in my day and at night the stars in my sky
You're my baby love
You're everything I ever dreamed of
You put a smile on my face
Every time I feel your warm embrace
Even when we kiss that's a feeling I don't want to miss
You're my everything
I'm always thinking about
You're so special to me
Even when you don't think so
Because without your love you know I'm incomplete
I love you so much that I wrote you this poem
So you'll know and feel who my heart beats for
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Okay, so it's all very sweet and whatnot, and I do understand it's for someone special and is personal and whatnot...
But you never answer the Why of it. Why is he all this to the persona? It's slightly wishy washy and a bit repetitive in the middle there. I have to say I couldn't feel much for the persona because it was all "youyouyou" Some description and imagery would be lovely here. Describe his touch, her smile, the whole lot, and let the reader into that world.
Luck with this. ^^
*Hearts* Le Penguin.
Thanks for your comment
This is obviously really personal, so I won't say too much. However there are a few raw spots that don't quite seem to match, like
"You're so special to me"
and
"I love you so much that I wrote you this poem".
They just leap out, and bring the rhythm to a halt. But other than those, it's really innocent and sweet - the sort of thing I wish more lovers would write...