MamaLama95

Beautiful imagery and a wonderful message. You did a truly great job with this one, and I it's my favourite today. One thing I would change is the fact that ...

I think for the way you wrote this poem, it was a little too long. You dragged out some parts, and even though I thought the description was wonderful and ...

You keep misusing 'your' and 'you're'. That bothers me, but my predecessors have shown you were you need to improve on that. Also, I'd really wish you'd used punctuation, because ...

Interesting emotional turmoil, if a little repetitive and blank. By blank I mean there was no image running through the work, and it was mainly focused on describing things over ...

The fourth line didn't make sense, but I love the repetition of the 'p' sound; it gave it a wonderful popping sound and reminded me of camera flashes for some ...

It's an interesting idea, but it's poorly executed. You should explore it and expand upon the work, perhaps making it more dramatic and creating more of a build-up. The title ...

I think the length of this was perfectly fine actually - you said you converted it from a story, and it feels that way, but it's wonderful. It has a ...

I think the piece had a lot of potential, but the rhyming wasn't necessary. It felt forced a lot of the time, and it felt like you were stopping and ...

The fact that you used hyphons after EVERY line sort of got on my nerves, because it doesn't make sense to me. Work on your use of punctuation and that ...

First piece I've read on here of the sort - very powerful, deep, intimate and emotional. I applaud you for this, because it takes a lot of courage and humility ...

I did like that you restrained yourself with the complex vocabulary a little more this time - it helped make the reader concentrate more on what you wanted to say ...

This was really emotional and powerful, so I'm going to overlook most of my criticisms; however, I can't help but notice that it is very scattered and that takes away ...

This felt horribly forced and fake. I'm sorry, but there's nothing worse for me than forced poetry. I liked some of your one-liners, but a lot of it was cliche ...

Very powerful, although I think the last stanza could definitely be improved - it feels too casual compared to the deep emotional turmoil of the rest of the poem. Although ...

I'm going to assume this was written in a Greek period - you should have made more references to the actual time era, because that would have added a lot ...