Published July 25, 2011
Garden of words and flowers of blood
The other words to describe our love
Into the trees and buried in my head
Life can never surpass the reality
Of ever being dead
Eat your pride and touch the soil
Soaked in bleach and drowning in oil
Perhaps too quick were my reactions to fate
The only thing that I have left
Is a sense of time and space
Leaves falling down disintegrating inside
Nowhere to run from the creatures that hide
Cover your eyes, it'll save your skin
To make you feel as if you have
A chance to win
Garden of words and a frozen lake
Retreat to your head for pity's sake
Finding solace in a desolate Earth
The realism of it all happening too soon
Like childbirth
Hold your heart for the evil comes near
For there is something left ot fear
Surrender your freedom and give in to the night
For the pleasure of something evil
Is always because of the sight
Bleed out your love for the power
Transcending tradition in this final hour
For everything must happen for a reason
But not unless you know pure and well
The true price of treason
Garden of words to persist in my brain
To never come back without a trace or a name
The images repeating in my frozen eye
For who shall decide who will live?
And to decide who will die?
Cities and towns to pass the time
Words to cover up the truth inside
Mind games to utter another excuse
To lie in the heart of darkness
No longer the recluse
Conjuring images of loathing and lust
An ideal for misery is definitely a must
Right inside the heart of society's rule
Is the prospect of hypocrisy
They portray us as tools
Garden of words and flowers of blood
The other words to describe our love
Into the sun and dying inside
Life can never surpass the reality
Of wasting your precious life
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138,417 Literary Works • 672,117 Reviews
Firstly: I love the title of this piece.
Secondly: I am starting to notice that you have an obsession with blood. 'Garden of words and flowers of blood.'
Other than that... you've made so good use of techniques, alliteration and the like in this piece... you can tell that you're style is really developed by this point and it makes it really interesting for the reader. 'Transcending tradition in this final hour'
You speak poetry dude... it's amaze balls.
Nice one. XD
~Bloodink
Hello there! I am here, if you hadn't guessed, to review! And review I shall! Very late, but who really cares?
First I want to point out some phrases that really stood out to me.
I agree with another reviewer that 'drowned' would be better, but I just love this. It reads really well.
I don't quite understand why I like seemingly illogical phrases so much, but I do. A lot of this poem would make a really good song, I think.
This reminds me of Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry (ever read it?) in which there's a tapestry, a staff, and a song that tell a story of repeated destruction and rebuilding.
As I've said a million times, I'm no expert when it comes to rhyming. Well, among other things, but rhyming especially. But I feel like your rhythm is off in certain places, like here:
The end of it threw me off a little. Not only did the rhythm read oddly, but it seems to differ from your writing style in the rest of the piece.
In general, I really liked the poem. It's left pretty ambiguous, which I like, because whatever's happening here, it's sure not to be clear. So it's good that the poem reflects that. The rambling quality of some of your writing works especially well here, one could say. The voice of the narrator is interesting, a sort of combination between cautionary and teasing, at least the way I read it. Thank you for writing and sharing, and I do hope you continue to do so!
Hi there!
All right, one nitpick:
The rest of this is in past tense, make sure you're consistant with your tenses.
One praise:
I really, really like this stanza. It just sounds so sinister and evilish. It's got a lot of emotion.
I really, really enjoyed reading this! I think it was the perfect length for everything you wanted to put into this. It's got great imagery, great emotion and the rhyme scheme is perfect. I couldn't find any place where there were two words that didn't rhyme. I also couldn't find any spelling or grammer errors so you're good there.
Overall I loved this! Keep writing!
Okay super duper poet, this is amazing! I love the rhyming structure which was fantastic. This is a piece I totally enjoyed reading; though I think there's something you omitted in the second line of the fifth stanza;
"For there is something left (ot) fear; I guess it should be 'to'. Other than that, you completely blew me away. Excellent choice of words and Imagery. Kudos.
Hi there!
I am at loss for words. This poem is one of my favorites now! Okay, this poem is very long, and I debated whether or not to read it, and I'm glad I did! This poem has so much dark detail and emotion, ten stanzas are written for all that detail and emotion! It's crazy! You used so much advanced vocabulary, I am pretty much learning from your poem! I love the concept that I thought of when I was reading this! I thought that life is short, and death can come anytime, whether or not humans believe it. That's what I thought it was about! This is amazing! Awesome job and keep it up!
- gleek456 <3
I think for the way you wrote this poem, it was a little too long. You dragged out some parts, and even though I thought the description was wonderful and you did a good job with the structure, it got heavy and slightly boring to read towards the end. Also, PUNCTUATION. I emphasize this, because this is the third poem I've read without punctuation - it can be artistic not to use any, but for this poem, you should put commas, semi-colons, dashes, whatever. As long as there is punctuation.
Aside from that, lovely imagery, good description and effective prose. Very well crafted.
You are a prolific poet. Unless you just have about nine hundred poems lying around in your computer; it just boggles my mind how you can write quality rhyming poetry consistently like this. Any poet who rhymes really amazes me.
Fate and space? I'll led blood and love slide, but there's so many things that you can do with the word face. And the line "the only thing that I have left is a sense of time and space" is too perfect to change.
ot= to. These typos happen to even the best of us.
I love, love the idea of this line but I think it would be stronger if you made it less wordy; find out a way to take out the because and make it stand more on its own, as opposed to being connected to the line before it.
The last stanza was beautiful. Besides a little rhyming sloppiness in the beginning, you did another fantastic job. I love the title and when poetry ends where it starts-- it just makes my day.