Published July 20, 2011
Heat on her face,
radiating to her toes.
Breaths on her shoulder,
whispers in her ear.
That shuddering sensation.
They're tickling her,
moving up her body.
She lets out a gasp,
as sensations rivet through her.
Heart pounding,
teeth clenching,
bloody fucking pain.
And just as sudden as birth,
Death, oh sweet Death,
takes her away.
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Canary word: Present
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138,001 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
It's an interesting idea, but it's poorly executed. You should explore it and expand upon the work, perhaps making it more dramatic and creating more of a build-up. The title was so long that I was expecting at least six stanzas, but don't necessarily use that as a guideline. In general, an interesting and powerful theme which you should revise and explore again.
I totally agree with Anas, it's hard to see that as giving birth. The only word that is related to the topic is death!
Words are strangely put away from the structure itself!
Maybe you should rename this poem or think through the expression of those words put together.
Hey,
. You're poem may be weak for me, but it really was funny 
You're poem is original but poorly constructed. The structure in the stanzas is not a walk in the park, and it gets frustrating to reread everything in order to see where the reader was lost. Apart from that, I really thought you were talking about a woman having an orgasm, not dying. It was until too late that I realized that it was about death
Keep up the good work