His hands.
Or are they mine?
Tear at my virtue,
and fondle every vice.
Until what remains is
a lesser version of himself.
His lips.
Taste like redemption—
olive sherbet with
a dash of rum, bought
at the lowest price—
my innocence,
our freedom.
His eyes.
Speak for both of us:
Nothing worthwhile is free;
seldom is it this cheap.
We discarded what god gave us
molding what was left into
Our body.
From two, we made half
Willing decay unto ourselves
Unto each other, gnawing
And clawing
Throwing around bits of
Our soul,
If you can call it as much.
A decorative piece, folded
Stuffed into a box, labeled
“to charity.”
We’ll take it out
and dust it off,
one of these days.
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138,206 Literary Works • 672,083 Reviews
This was outstanding!!
As many people have already told you (and many more will), it was very intimate and emotional.
It was so very creative and imaginative! I wouldn't change it!
I mean, if in the future you want to change a few words, add/remove some punctuation marks, then that's up to you.
But I personally feel, and this is only my opinion, that if you alter it, it changes what you feel when you read it or what you felt as you wrote it.
Overall, super super AWESOME!! You ABSOLUTELY should keep writing.
I really liked it. I didn't quite get it at first until I re-read it and then it came to me. Very emotional in a way that doesn't describe the emotion ( if that even makes sense -_- ) . Also very deep. Keep up the good work
A very nice piece nonetheless, expresses true feelings and a picture of pairing with him and singularity as a paradox.
"seldom is it this cheap" ... May i suggest a comma after seldom so it would be like this? "seldom, is it this cheap?"
I hope i did help at least at the grammatical level.
Keep the good work
That was certainly good work. And that a 16 year old has written that, I find it surprising. Maybe you should publish your poetry some time soon. That might actually help you in your university applications and for the rest of your future. You could consider choosing this as an alternative job in your future.
I liked it. Very intimate and..emotional. It took a lot of will power to put something of this sort on here and I congratulate you for that. I have no complaints. It was very intense and over all a work of art.
First piece I've read on here of the sort - very powerful, deep, intimate and emotional. I applaud you for this, because it takes a lot of courage and humility to be able to post something like this. It had a good meter, it was steady, you didn't clutter it with unnecessary rhyme and in general it worked really well, so congratulations. My favourite work today, definitely.