Published July 25, 2011
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138,305 Literary Works • 672,101 Reviews
I relate to this poem so well and i'd say nearly everyone can unless they've been very lucky. Good poem, very honest! I love it
This is a awkward but good poem. Love is like that sometimes. It's complicated and full of emotions. One minute
they are in love and the next they aren't. I don't get why some fall out of love more quickly than others. I guess
that's why they call it love because it's not easy.
This is a great poem and no I am not trying to get some points so yeah. How do I any why
You keep misusing 'your' and 'you're'. That bothers me, but my predecessors have shown you were you need to improve on that. Also, I'd really wish you'd used punctuation, because it would add rhythm and make the poem look much more effective. Also, break it up into stanzas - it doesn't have to be four-lines-break-four-lines-break, but you could make it at least two or three stanzas to the entire poem. Otherwise it makes it a little breathless to read.
Aside from that, it had a good feel to it, related well to the poem, was strong in it's message. With some refinement, it'll be great.
overtake, but I think take over would be better
your-you're
No comma needed, but it would be better if it was more active
She's got your heart in her hand
This is the best part of the poem; in the last line your should be you're. The last couple of lines are really weak; I think you should try to end on something stronger.
I feel like I could help you more if I knew what the contest was for, besides writing a poem based on a song or lyrics. Right now this poem reads too much like lyrics and I think you need to draw more images, maybe take some inspiration from the music video? (I just listened to the song, it's pretty catchy.)
Besides that, good luck in the contest
Let me start by saying that this poem really was good, so don't let anything that I mention in this comment mitigate that fact. Okay, well, one thing that kind of irked me (because I'm a freak) was some of your spelling. Next time, be more prudent with that. Also, I found the poem to be a tad bit confusing, but that may be because I read it wrong in my rush to get through the multitude of poems I've set out to read :p Other than that, I found nothing majorly wrong with this piece and I truly did enjoy reading it. Congratulations on a good poem and I can't wait to read more from you!