Published July 19, 2011
Deceiving eyes deceitful lies,
What’s left of our selves is nothing more than our imagination.
We pleaded with each other not to walk away,
But when the words came out I was the first to leave it behind.
I left you before you could leave me and I believe that it was a mistake.
I gave up so much for us,
So I could keep your secret.
And in return you left me with a heart ache I was trying to evade.
Spiraling stars brought us together and fate sprung us apart.
The apologizes made were false on our tongues.
This love was false, this hate was true but I cant come to say that I don’t need you.
Because everyday I wake I wish I’d see your face.
But that’s never going to be a possibility.
I always leave first, but this time it’s seemed that you left me.
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140,118 Literary Works • 673,019 Reviews
I like this. I corrected some of your grammar mistakes, and changed a couple things around which I think would just work better, but other than that, nice job! I really enjoyed this! Simple - and simple is good.
This was really emotional and powerful, so I'm going to overlook most of my criticisms; however, I can't help but notice that it is very scattered and that takes away from the general charm of the poem. Try reconstructing it, but don't change the content, because it is still very poignant and efficacious.
love is a rollercoaster(: thank you for the review though.
This poem felt like a rollercoaster to me, some of the lines impressed me and delivered strong emotions, beautifully worded.
Why not alter the second line to the first? That way you create somewhat of a cohesion in the length of the overall lines. The last 2 lines are very well written, spiraling stars, fate, sprung apart. Magnificent word choice.
Having excited me by those 2 lines I feel that further along the poem, I'm somewhat dissapointed. But that's what I mean with the rollercoaster. This is not a bad piece, at all. I guess I can say it's well balanced. But as they say, everything that isn't perfect can always get better. Keep writing, and keep in mind the genuine words you've come with. I hope this was helpful to you.