Published July 19, 2011
Press provides powerful presence.
Perhaps passion, and peace lost to propaganda.
Probably: people protest what they can't possess or process.
Patterns prove promising process of the Past presenting itself particularly soon.
Proceed pioneers, proceed. Provided you all succeed.
Your our hope, your our plead.
Save this generation, please save me.
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Canary word: Present
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139,050 Literary Works • 672,402 Reviews
I liked this poem a lot. I corrected a few grammatical errors, but I don't really see anything else. Some "P's" felt really forced though like "Probably" and "Particularly". Other than that, nice job!!!
The fourth line didn't make sense, but I love the repetition of the 'p' sound; it gave it a wonderful popping sound and reminded me of camera flashes for some reason. Nice idea, well executed, if a little lacking in depth or expanded meaning - I know what you were trying to say but I just didn't feel any emotional pull towards it. Aside from that, very good.
This piece was very unusual and I was (please forgive me) thinking that I would not like it but I actually believe it had a different sort of flow and rhythme that made it very powerful. I liked the story that it tells even though it is so short, my favorite line is:
I especially liked the line about the pioneers and even though you repeated the word proceed I was not annoyed which was different than other poems I read where I don't like when they repeat a word more than once. Overall I thought this was a great piece, very powerful and moving! Short and deadly!
SIncerely,
Snickerdooly
Hi there. I'm Scarlett and I'll be reviewing your poem tonight.
Wow, this is a very interesting piece. I like the way you've done it. It's brilliant and powerful, if you know how to look at it. I love it. Simple and powerful is always a good thing. I'm curious. Is there a reason for all the words starting with P?
Anyhow. I can't really find anything wrong with this poem. The flow may be disjointed, but it works the way it is. It might work better if you put "Proceed pioneers, proceed." down a line, on it's own. Where it is now doesn't seem to feel right. As for the rest? What can I say? It's just fine the way it is. I'm definitely clicking like when I'm done with the review.
Thank you very much for the beautiful poetry and for making me smile (poetry always makes me smile). Keep writing, and don’t ever give up!
~Scar.
YOU ROCK! YOU ROCK! YOU ARE AWESOME! I have on thing though. I think the fourth line is a little too long. It kind of makes sense to start a new line halfway through, for this makes the reader want to read on. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. YOU ROCK! YOU ARE AWESOME! YOU ARE JESUS! YOU ARE GOD!!!!!!!!! You're good.