Published July 19, 2011
It’s a shame, is it not?—
That we did not love.
Chances so fleeting,
A nod from above.
How foolish we were,
To hope and to wait;
Our half-hearted movement
Angering Fate.
We could have, but didn't,
So scared we both were;
The chance of a lifetime,
Lost in a blur.
We should be, but aren’t.
A romance untold;
The greatest of stories
That did not unfold.
It’s a shame, is it not?—
Between you and I,
Fortune was smiling,
But we let it pass by.
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138,940 Literary Works • 672,333 Reviews
:O My jaw was just hanging open. I've never actually read such an amazing poem!!!!!! AWESOME JOB, YO!!!!!!!! I love the last stanza:
Fortune was smiling- metaphor- STUPENDOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
But we let it pass by. - Amazing!- JAW-DROPPING!!!!!!!!
KEEP WRITING!!!!!!!!!
-Kat
I really liked it. Loved it, in fact. It was short and sweet. It reminded me of my friend that passed away not too long ago who I fell in love. I wanted to tell him so badly how I felt but then he passed and i regret not telling him. Anyway, keep up the good work.
Very powerful, although I think the last stanza could definitely be improved - it feels too casual compared to the deep emotional turmoil of the rest of the poem. Although it is quite deep and thoughtful, I think it should be thought-provoking, because it definitely has the potential to be. It's a bittersweet poem, and I did enjoy it, so well done and keep writing.
Great poem all round. It is full of imagination, symbolism and a very nice structure to it. May I ask how you personally get an idea or an inspiration for something to write? I have read your poems and, to me at least, they seem to influenced by very complex emotions. You are an intelligent poet; you know your stuff and I see very little errors here (yeah, one line was a bit awkward). You are very talented and precise in what you do. And precision in writing rocks! Keep up the good work.
Hey Angel!
As ever, I'm a huge fan of your poetry. Always the simplicity of it, with the detail and emotion. There is nothing I see wrong with this poem, but as always, I'm rather blind when it comes to your poetry. It was beautifully executed, and even though short, it had a beginning, a middle and an end. It seemed to portray a story, mushed up in four stanzas that explained just what we needed to know.
There, is of course, a minor thing that slightly disturbed throughout the poem: the capitalization of the first word in all stanzas. Now, poetry is a free form of writing, and it is not necessary to do so. Hence, this is just a personal opinion, but I do think it'd be easier to read and relate to it if not every word was capitalized.
The phrasing on the second line here is a bit awkward, in my opinion. I see why you did it, but perhaps try to change it?
I would like to point out that all these things were comments of my own, and therefore not the general rule xD The emotional depth of it was so smooth and subtle; it was one of the things I most enjoyed. Lovely poem, yet again, and I hope to read more!
- Kat