Liz

I like it, but I agree that the main character seems very arrogant, and that can get annoying to read about after a while. If he changes and fleshes-out a ...

Good ideas and all, but just work on the delivery. You do slip into cliches now and then, such as: His claws sharper than knives That's an extremely common simile. ...

I really like this, especially the personal style of the poem. The dedication and the conversational tone really adds to the interest. So good job there. The only thing I'm ...

Work on the beginning. I agree with Chevy - the final three stanzas are brilliant. I like the tone of the poem, especially in those three stanzas. The first two ...

I liked it. You have interesting and comprehendable concepts and analogies. However, you sometimes slip into cliches, so be careful about that. For example... I know the darkness will swallow ...

Show, don't tell. You've got something here that a lot of people can relate to, and that's great, but you have to leave the reader guessing to make the message ...

There is a difference between choppiness and rawness and in this poem the two weren't really equal. The swearing is kind of unneccessary and seems more so because the poem ...

Good concept. It's solid and understandable. But think...how often has the whole jumping off a cliff metaphor been used? I think you've put a new twist on it though, following ...

Yeah, the elipses need to be taken out. You also have some dodgy cliches which need to be reworked. You act like I'm invisible Someone else in shadow Someone you ...

Good beginning, but it definitely lost the spark after the first few lines. Try to expand. Write it longer, and then condense it. I find that works well. You get ...

I like it. There were maybe a few too many parenthesis but you pulled it off pretty well. Breaking it up into stanzas seems to be a suggestion, but I ...

Take out the exclamation marks. One is okay but more than that and the poem starts to feel like a bit of a joke. I didn't like the rhyme. It ...

Yeah, the first letter of each word being capatalised looks tacky. The rhyme scheme wasn't great; it just added to the cliche aspect. You have an okay concept, just try ...

I like it, but I think you told the reader a bit too much. It would have been much more effective had you shown us what you meant, and the ...

Good. You have a solid concept, but it does need a bit of reworking. The first stanza's a little weak. I stand and stare at the dark night sky a ...