Published April 1, 2005
oblivious to the facts?
talked to you
(yeah, i whispered you),
did you forget my words already?
looking for a reply
but you didn't give (me) one,
or was it also my fault
that you didn't answer.
too fast
down my nonexistent lane.
there was nothing (not even kisses) involved.
dash a note,
merely a sentence (or two),
just to say
you heard me
(trust me, there weren't kisses).
you don't know me too well
(i don't know you either),
is that your excuse?
all i see is your ignoring, implying attitude,
blinking flashes of humiliation
in my face,
a rejection, again, (without words),
the flickering neon sign outside the dying store.
a knock on the door
(to open up),
you heard it.
or was it just my imagination
when i saw the silhouette
of your, oh, so familiar head
in the window?
(it's getting cold out here.)
at least, acknowledgement,
a straightforward answer (no)
with a slap on the cheek
and slam in the face.
let me know
i can go home dejected,
but you had to stay silent
(i'm still waiting).
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,385 Reviews
its cool....wat else can i say?
ee the good work going.
I like it. There were maybe a few too many parenthesis but you pulled it off pretty well. Breaking it up into stanzas seems to be a suggestion, but I guess it works either way. An advantage of having stanzas would be that it makes it easier to read and to grasp the message of the poem.
Anyway, good work. It's original and honest at the same time.
I like this. I like the parenthetical references, it makes it sound really awesome. This is supurb.
This reminds me of something that happened between me and Roy.. well when it came to notes. i really liked it... I can't say much, I am just that type of person, I either like it or I don't and i liked this....
um.. ok, let me see if there is anything on need of dire changing... nope, i really liked how you did tha parenthesis for all the parts that seemed to answer what you wrote. lovely.