Chaser

If you don't mind my saying... Well, I certainly look forward to the next chapter. The story seems to be picking up, although I can't tell which way it's going. ...

Interesting. This story was an absolute pleasure to read. A unique setting, enjoyable people, and a grand description. I just wish that there was more. What's the journey to the ...

If I may... Well, this is certainly one of the more interesting chapters. Yggdrasil seems like a character with infinite possibilities. Were it not for a few grammatical errors, the ...

If you would allow me... Action! Yay! But it's not everything I'd hoped. Nitpicks bore my attention span, so I'll break out the fundamentals. First, choreographing. Really difficult to do ...

If I may review: This story is doing well, for now. But I'm finding an unfortunate number of issues. First of all: Setting description. Kevin should notice his surroundings as ...

Allow me to state my findings: This is actually one of the more impressive pieces I've seen here. The details are sharp, violent, and active, while the general atmosphere is ...

Here's what I noticed: It may be obvious, but misspelling and sentencing are big issues in the beginning. I hope that most of them are typos. Spell-check that. As for ...

If I may give advice here, This is, overall, a very good start. Adelise's "prank" gives the audience a feel for her character, which in turn gives the audience a ...

If I may state my opinion, This is actually an excellent story. The dialogue sounds realistic and snappy, while the details allow an excellent understanding of action. But since this ...

If I may be so bold, This is an excellent beginning. The details of Thomas's situation let the reader sympathize with him, putting you in a good position to drive ...

If you would allow me to inject my opinion: This is a very well-choreographed chapter. I like the way Kevin interacts with the police officers. However, something feels a little ...

So, allow me to state my thoughts. First, your exposition is overwhelming, and not in the more pleasant manner. It's hard for readers to remember details if you just dump ...