CHAPTER THREE
Dylan was badly battered when he emerged from the arena. His chest was covered in blood, and his face was a mixture of blood and sweat, and he looked like he was going to pass out. Raven ran to him.
“Oh my gosh!” She gasped when she saw him. She didn’t realize how bad the wounds were. They looked deep. “I…need to go to the lake,” Dylan muttered.
When they arrived, Dylan stumbled into the water and went under. The lake was pretty deep, with the color of aquamarine. A moment later, he surfaced. His wounds and the blood were gone. Raven was still not used to his power.
“Wanna come in?” Dylan asked. It was a pretty hot day, so Raven was happy to.
She clumsy stepped into the water. It was really cold. Dylan suddenly grabbed her and dunked her under. OMG, it is freezing! When she resurfaced, she saw that Dylan was cracking up with laughter. Since he was distracted, Raven went under and swam towards his legs. She grabbed them and pulled, as Dylan lost his balance and fell.
“That’s what you get!” Raven said playfully. “Hey!” Dylan said the moment he found his balance again. He splashed Raven. The cool water was very refreshing.
Suddenly, the water began to shift and change color. A purple haze radiated over the water. Raven felt dizzy. What is happening to me? Her vision started blurring and the world spun. The last thing she saw was the dark purple abyss open beneath her, and everything went dark.
Raven opened her eyes. She was in a dark, red forest with dying plants. Here again.
“Dyl?” Raven’s soft voice echoed, stretching miles into the empty forest. “Here.” She turned around to see Dylan standing up right in front of her.
I swear he wasn’t there a moment ago, Raven thought. That’s strange. But after all, everything is strange, even being here! “This is a dream, isn’t it?”
“No,” Dylan replied. “Our spirits are actually here. We can feel pain.” “Are we dead?” “No, we are still alive, just here,” Dylan said matter-of-factly. How does he know this much? Raven wondered. He’s only been here as long as I have, and I barely know anything! “We have to find our way out of here!” Raven exclaimed. “There’s no hurry. Let’s explore!” Raven looked at Dylan strangely. Why does he not care!? “-I mean, yea, we do,” Dylan stammered when he saw her looking at him. They went off to search for a way out.
Soon, they reached a clearing. There were a bunch of purple-eyed people there. AXEL!? Raven thought. He was roaming around, his eyes searching for something. “Controlled by Figure,” Dylan whispered. Okay, there is definitely something wrong with Dylan. “What happened to you? How do you know this much?” Raven asked suspiciously.
Dylan just shrugged. “I dunno. Anyways, I’m going to find a way out. Stay here.”
“Oh, uhm…ok,” Raven said.
A shadow suddenly appeared behind her. “Hi, Raven,” it muttered. Raven whipped around. She saw a figure of someone, someone who knew her name. Someone who was about to attack.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hi Cats!
I think you meant to say clumsily.I'm here to review the next chapter of this book for review day! Let's dive right in.
That was straight dragon FIRE
I loved your descriptions at the start here!
The blood and sweat of the arena and the beautiful lake he heals in are both well done. I could picture them easily in my head.
I love the playfulness between these two characters. It's so wholesome and almost flirtatious. Then the big twist as the lake turns purple and they are sucked away to the other world. I was seriously worried since their bodies were in water and might drown in the 'real world'.
This is also a chilling revelation that they don't even need to be asleep for the power to work on them. And I just now realized that you reversed the italics for thoughts vs speaking out loud when they are in the dream world. What an interesting way to show that. Good job!
Ohhh, that uncomfortable feeling when someone you think you know is acting all weird. I wonder if it's that boy in disguise.
The cliffhanger was great! I wonder if this person is someone we know already or a new character from Raven's past.
Some loose scales
The 'what is happening to me?' should be italicized if it's her thoughts.
This had hardly and corrections in it! Great job.
As mighty wing soar overall
The transfer from the fight in the last chapter to the ShadowLands was well done. You didn't rush at all and described things beautifully.
This is the best chapter of your story I've read so far!
The relationship between Raven and Dylan is so wonderfully done. They still feel like a young couple in love and both support the other with everything they've got. That made it all the more chilling when Dylan started acting not himself. I hope Raven figures out what's going on.
Final wisdom of the dragon friend
This was a short review but I can see your writing is improving at a blazing pace. These kinds of short stories would work great as a comic too.
I look forward to reviewing more chapters of this exciting story.
May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.
Thank you so much for your opinion! Thanks for giving this a read <33
Hey, CATS! Alex is back lol. Review Day is really rubbing off on me XD. So let's get the analysis started.
Well this one is shorter for a change. Will be done quick.
I'm even surprised Dylan is used to them, really. I know this is getting repetitive but I genuinely think the story could've benefitted from some scenes of him training and his struggles in it. The legend didn't tell him much and it all is vague at best. Also, we're still not told the actual powers of the pendant, which I'm looking forward to explore. Also, I wonder if Dylan's power are elemental as in sea, are there other people like him controlling wind, fire and land?
Honest mistake, I think you meant clumsily. Also, great job with the flawed humane detailing again! You're nailing the realism with this story.
Uh-oh. Yet ANOTHER twist I didn't see coming. You're rather good at this. Bad energy..
Yeahhh this sounds off. Maybe use- 'as a matter of fact' but also how is Dylan so sure again? He seems to know things he has no reason too, very odd indeed..
O.o I really need to finish reading before I comment lmao. Same thoughts, Raven. Your boyfriend do be acting wierd. But I think you deserve an applause for this. You know exactly what the reader will be thinking then. Such a unique talent!
HOLY COW, CATS! This is a wild twist, even for you. This is getting too good ahhh
Finally, you end on a cliffhanger! OMG I'm so excited.
Raven's in some kind of spirit existence and Dylan is acting strange. Axel's returned to the plot (I'm specifically looking forward to what plans you havebfor him) and Raven is about to be attacked by a strange force who somehow knows her name. I'm specifically intrigued by whoever 'Figure' is, they're certainly gonna have a big role in what plays down in the upcoming chapters.
Writing was otherwise good for most of the chapter, I'm more captivated by the plot though, as of now. No new suggestions, I'm afraid. A pleasure reviewing this as well, a great read. Let's meet in the next chapter.
Regards
Alex
Thank you!!! You are literally a PRO at reviewing. Thanks so much for another of your reviews!!!! I'll again keep the tips
Now I wouldn't go as far as to say that! I just try to help out writers with suggestions and shower appreciation. Glad to hear you like them