CHAPTER EIGHT
“Do you know a way back to the Umbral Realm?” Raven asked Dylan and Saber. That was what they called it now. A few days had passed since the whole thing happened. They were having dinner, and Raven was picking at her food. She just wasn’t hungry.
“I have no idea. It seems like the only way to get there is half-dying,” Dylan said, a hint of amusement crawling its way into his voice.
“I have never been there, never experienced what you guys have been through. How am I supposed to know?” Saber asked. Raven shrugged. “Maybe you can come with us this time! We can use some extra help! And besides, I have to carry out the deal I had with Shadow. You can’t really control when you get there and how you leave. It just happens.”
“Hey!” Dylan suddenly sat up straight. “Remember that we dreamed our way into the Umbral Realm? We can try that again!”
“Good thinking, Dylan,” Saber said. “All we have to do is picture it.”
That night, Raven tried to picture the Umbral Realm.
Mysterious, dark, crimson forest. Dead plants. Withering leaves. Great oaks. The Spellbound.
The next thing she knew, she felt herself falling. She landed in a different part of the forest. Raven wondered whether Dylan and Saber were able to dream themselves in as well. It worked for me, it should do the same for them.
She heard a sound a few lengths from her. “Oof,” Saber said, rubbing his head. “Oh, it’s great that you were able to dream yourself in! I was beginning to think you wouldn’t make it!”
“I followed your advice, so it worked,” Saber said simply. Raven heard a whumph a long distance away. “Either. that is Dylan…or Figure and the ShapeShifter.” That was what they called the boy that pretended to be Dylan. “Raven? Saber? Anyone?”
“Okay, I’m pretty sure it’s Dylan.” Raven and Saber walked slowly and cautiously towards the voice. They found Dylan, sitting there. “Hi,” Saber greeted. “Hold on, I need to make sure this is the real Dylan,” Raven said. “Saber, pin him down.” Saber grabbed him and pushed him to the ground. Dylan didn’t protest. He relaxed under Saber’s weight. What is a good question I can ask that no one knows? Raven thought hard. Finally, she thought of something. “Did we ever kiss, and if we did, when and where?” She blurted, then turned really red with embarrassment.
Dylan smiled. “We did, at dawn, by the lake in the forest.” Raven sighed with relief. This was the real one.
“WHAT? You guys kissed and kept it a secret?” Raven turned to see Saber giving Dylan and Raven a shocking glance. “Oops…” Dylan said sheepishly.
They have been walking for a while. Dylan had decided to go find Shadow first, and they have been walking for approximately an hour.
“Oh, you are finally back…for the pendant I bet,” a voice snarled with menace.
CHAPTER NINE
Raven shifted around. Standing there was a boy. The pendant was wrapped around his neck. He had purple eyes and blond hair and was smiling smugly at them. His purple eyes were different from the ones that the other people had. They were not glowing and not unusually bright. They had a shine to them. Raven rolled her eyes. “What’s your name?”
“Razor,” The boy replied, the smile still on his face. “You’re very pretty.”
Is he trying to flirt with me?? Raven ignored the last part. “Give us the pendant,” Saber hissed.
“Is that supposed to be a threat? Cause there are only three of you,” Razor mocked. With a wave of his hand, he revealed around twenty people with swords and knives. They began circling them. Some are Spellbound, Raven realized, but most of them were just normal. Just pure evil. Axel was among them. Saber gasped.
“Raven, you can join me. I’ll give you a chance to live. Only if you join me and rule alongside me after I’m finished,” Razor said. Raven hesitated. She looked over at Dylan. He looked heartbroken. Realization hit Raven. He’s ShapeShifter! Dylan’s so sweet, I can never leave him. “I’d rather die with them than go with you!” Raven screamed, and pounced on Razor. The silence of uneasy peace broke in an instant as the others rushed to attack. Razor kicked her off. “I’ll give you one last chance, beauty. Come with me!”
“NO!” Raven yelled.
“Fine, that’s alright with me.” Razor stormed away and grabbed Dylan. At least five of the people followed. Dylan was desperately trying to fight them all off, but they easily got hold of him. They had no knives, no swords, no weapons! Raven tried to run over to help, but she got blocked by two Spellbounds. They fought her off, and she fought back. Raven glanced over quickly at Saber. Maybe he can help!
Her hopes were crushed as she saw him fighting off three people all at once! She kicked both of the Spellbounds off and searched for Dylan. He was on his knees. Two people were holding his hands behind his back, and as she watched, one grabbed his hair and jerked his head violently back. Dylan let out a sharp sound and struggled to get free of the five people holding him down. One was holding him down, not letting him get up. Razor was wiping a very long, sharp dagger. He looked ready to slit his throat. Dylan was weak and covered in his own blood. They had clearly targeted him.
Raven looked over at Saber again. He had managed to make two people back away, but was struggling with the third. The final one was lashing out and kicking Saber hard. No one can help Dylan! The other two people came rushing back at her when she tried to dash over. I’ll be too late! By the time I fend off these two, Dylan’s going to be dead.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hi Cats! I'm back for another couple chapters in this exciting story.
You use 'have' here a couple times when it should be 'had' unless this is the thoughts of someone watching them from the shadows and commenting to themselves.That was straight dragon FIRE
Chapter 8
I like the new name, Umbral Realm. Describes it perfectly. I also like the new idea of dreaming to get there.
That moment when Raven asked if they kissed and Saber gets shocked had me laughing so hard. Oops, ha, ha!
Though I'm a little surprised Saber was so shocked by this. He knows the kind of relationship they have. (I thought they had slept together at this point)
Great cliffhanger with the menacing and perhaps familiar voice?
Chapter 9
Ah, not a familiar voice. I wonder what role he shall play. Calling Raven pretty had me raise my eyebrows for sure. (especially in front of the other two)
He's shapeshifter?! I understand why she would conclude that but I wonder if this is his true form. I personally like shapeshifters who have a 'true form' that is actually just what they like to look like, rather than what they were born as.
I like how the shapeshifter made his offer twice before shrugging and moving on. To me, if a character keeps asking over and over, it makes them feel desperate and weak. Not this guy though.
Wait, Axel is here? And a bad guy no less. I wonder if he's being mind controlled (as a Spellbound)
The fight was well done though I wish Dylan put up more of a fight. When he was first introduced he was supposed to be very strong, but it seems like he gets taken out without much of a fight a lot of the time.
Another great cliffhanger as Raven cannot get to Dylan in time. I wonder if Shadow will show up again to save the day.
Some loose scales
Chapter 8
Near the beginning of the chapter Raven says that you can't control when you arrive or leave, but if I remember correctly she seemed to be able to control both last chapter (granted getting there was very risky). Maybe if it was clear last chapter that she was just trying random things or found a portal by chance this would make more sense.
I love the idea of dreaming to get into the Umbral Realm, I just wish there was a bit of struggle to do it the first time. Something like, how when you are trying to sleep it actually makes it more difficult so she finds it hard to fall asleep or gets distracted by dreams of Dylan before refocusing and making it there.
(I understand your story is more fast-paced so this might slow it down. Don't feel any pressure to add it, just writing my thoughts as I read)
Chapter 9
The 'they' in this sentence could easily be the ones who grabbed Dylan or the main cast. I wasn't sure which so I wanted to comment on it. (Both might be the answer)
The final sentence should end with an exclamation mark since it is a panicked declaration.
I had very few corrections for these chapters, well done!
As mighty wing soar overall
These chapters did a great job of progressing the story while keeping me invested with action and humor.
I enjoyed them figuring out how to enter the Umbral realm and meeting Razor. Then the fight at the end was a great climax.
Final wisdom of the dragon friend
You have a great sense of humor. It can be hard to put humor into a dark story yet you've managed to make me laugh. Thanks for that.
May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.
Thank you so much for your thoughts and opinions!!! It's so fantastic to see you again, and I'm glad you enjoyed! It would be better if I slowed it down lollll, there's always tips for improvement, and I'm glad you gave me some~!
Okay I went a little back to find out if there are other works in this folder with less than 2 reviews. And here we are.
So Dylan was one of the MCs in the last book, good to know!
My first thought is that there are a lot of paragraphs in the beginning and it’s so much better to read. I like this!
Still here:
You have speech before and after these two sentences and that makes it hard to tell which of these characters says the second part of the speech. Better to make a new paragraph for “Raven shrugged.” And if Raven is the one who says “Maybe you can come with us” then you can keep it in the same paragraph but if not, you can put that speech in yet another new paragraph. Hope this makes sense ^^
I feel like the things in the …italics section is very confusing. I can’t really picture where the characters are and how they stand in relation to each other.
Oh I like that they make a difference between Spellbound and evil. Seems like some form of magical slavery?
Oh no so that’s how they took Dylan. I liked those descriptions. It still was all very rushed and hard to follow but that stood out to me.
I’m still not sure about the italics. Is it a flashback or are all Umbral Realm scenes just in italic?
Yes, I turned ut around since it%u2019s in the dream world! Might make more sense if u read it all lol, but I like knowing what u think!!!
Yeehaw, CATS! Behold another review from cowboy Alex. Let's trot right in.
Chapter 8
Umbral Realm, it has a nice ring to it. I liked the clarified that it's not necessarily the place's real name, simply something they refer to it as. And well you describe the skinwalker as the shapeshifter, that's certainly less scary so approved XD. It fits the vibe of your story much better too, so good thinking.
I find the idea of consciously dreaming a little off though, it doesn't sound much realistic like most of the elements you use. I rarely have dreams myself, so I think you can choose to get them. Lucid dreaming is a thing despite sounding unreal, but I think it's still a stretch. But I guess you did have to make up another gateway other than near suicide, drowning in the abyss.
And asking a personal question to identify a loved one? The oldest trick in the book and still works like a charm.
For my thoughts on the plot, I do think they're embarking on this journey with half baked plans really. Saving the spellbound would've needed more planning in my opinion but we'll see what happens. The place is new for Saber, wonder if that'll affect the storyline somehow.
Cliffhangers are my favourite, you should write them more often =)
Chapter 9
Ooh a boy with the pendant and he's got armed soldiers, ready to attack. This is gonna be interesting.
You lost me here. Again with the sudden intuitive realisation. Knowing things they have no reason to- first it was just Dylan. Now that he's solidified, it's spreading to Raven. At this point, Saber is the only real one, hoping he stays that way.
Awesome action sequel though. I've seen you write them before with the ambushes and the duel but this the longest and essentially the best one you've penned down so far.
Loved these specific lines! They invoke so much fear in the reader's already pacing heart.
Overall, great job building up the suspense in the end. There's action, breaking into an unknown and being attacked by an army- what fun! I'm at the edge of my chair, wondering if Dylan will somehow be saved miraculously as both Raven and Saber are occupied. But he's got the protagonist jacket protecting him.... right?
Nice enthralling chapters, had fun reviewing.
Regards
Alex
Thank you! I adore your amazing reviews.