CHAPTER TEN
Raven was losing hope. Suddenly, a crashing sound echoed through the blood-stained battleground. Raven took a quick glance over at Dylan. Shadow had barged in and attacked Razor.
She was bravely fending off the five people, just enough for Dylan to stumble away. Thanks Shadow! They continued to fight, all four of them. Even with Shadow’s help, Raven could tell they were slowly losing the battle. Saber was still struggling with the person, but as he pinned him down, another jumped on him. Dylan was trying to fight off even more of the Spellbound, but failing miserably. Razor was grappling with Shadow and managed to kick her against a tree. And Raven herself was trying to get a grip on Axel, who had attacked her under Razor’s spell.
Finally, Razor’s group had surrounded them. Dylan, Saber, Shadow, and Raven were back to back, trying to defend themselves. Raven looked desperately at Axel’s violet eyes. Don’t you recognize me? Suddenly, Axel’s expression changed. From blank, to a faint smile. “Raven?” He whispered. Shadow looked around and pointed at the Spellbounds. “Look,” she murmured. Raven looked. The Spellbound’s eyes were returning to normal.
“Run,” Dylan hissed. Then, without a warning, he attacked Razor. The Spellbounds’ eyes were back to normal in an instant. He’s distracting them! “I can’t leave you!” Raven yelled. “Come on!” Saber grabbed her hand and sprinted. “This way, I have a hidden place!” Shadow said quietly. She sprinted, and Saber and Raven followed. She took one last longing glance at Dylan, fighting for his life as Razor’s group mobbed him, Razor taking control over the Spellbounds once again.
Soon, they’ve reached a darker part of the forest. Shadow brushed back a bramble bush to reveal a hidden entrance. She entered, and they followed. “It’s temporary,” Shadow said. The place had a pool of water and dense trees surrounding it. “It should do for now.” It looked like Shadow had built shelves stocked full with herbs and food, as well as supplies and weapons.
“It looks well taken care of,” Saber observed. Raven was still thinking about Dylan. Could he possibly still be alive?
“I need to go back for Dylan,” Raven said.
“He’s going to die,” Saber said mournfully.
“I’m not losing hope,” Shadow insisted. “And neither is Raven.” Raven looked at her gratefully. “But common sense tells us we should not go right now. They might be searching for us,” Shadow continued.
After a little while of spending time in Shadow’s place, they set off to find Dylan. Shadow had equipped them with daggers. They hadn't walked for long when they heard mockful laughter. “Quiet!” Shadow hissed sharply when Saber accidentally stepped on a twig. Raven gently brushed back a bunch of ferns to reveal the battleground where they previously fought. Dylan was crumpled on the ground. Razor was standing over him.
“Weakling! Driving yourself into battle like that!” He jeered. He had an expression of scorn. One of his minions kicked Dylan hard in the stomach. Dylan didn’t even protest. His eyes were closed in agony as spasms shook his entire body, and he was hugging himself, looking small compared to Razor’s strong group. “What are you, a mouse?” Razor taunted. They were playing with him like a toy before they’re going to kill him!
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“We need a plan,” Shadow said quietly. Raven was in full panic mode. Her heart filled with pain and pity for Dylan. “If we kill Razor, the Spellbounds would be free to help us, and the rest would be vulnerable to attack,” Saber concluded. “Which one of us is quick and sneaky?”
“I am, but I’m not in the best condition at this moment,” Shadow said. Raven looked her over. It was true. She was battered pretty badly from the battle, and so was Saber.
“Raven, you have to do it. You can do it. You’re in the best condition,” Saber murmured.
The next thing she knew, she was creeping out of the ferns slowly. Razor’s back was turned to her. Raven clutched the dagger tightly. All she had to do was jump on Razor’s back and slit his throat. And she had to do it fast. Oh gosh, what if I mess up? That’ll ruin everything! Raven was trying hard to control her fast heart. I can do this. Dylan was the expert assassin here, not Raven. She never had any experience with killing people. Yet, she felt like she knew what she was doing.
She counted herself down. Three, two, one…Raven lunged onto Razor’s back and drove the dagger across his throat.
Razor made a gurgling sound and collapsed onto the ground. “Y-you fool!” He gasped. “I would’ve made the world a better place.”
“No, you would’ve destroyed the world and enslaved all the people!” Raven muttered. Razor’s eyes rolled back and glazed over. He was dead. The Spellbounds were free. Raven grabbed the pendant. It is rightfully ours.
“Raven?” Axel approached her. His eyes were back to an amber glow. “Thank you.” Another person walked up to her and stood beside Axel. “Hi. I’m Ansaldo. Former leader of the Eclipse Tribe.”
Raven gasped. She never had thought that she would meet the first leader of the Eclipse Tribe! She must’ve missed him in the frenzy of the battle. “Woah…” Raven’s voice trailed off in admiration. He was her role model. “Go check out Dylan,” Axel murmured softly. Raven jumped back from her shock and ran over to him. He was lying on the ground with an expression of pain on his blood-strewn face. “Dyl?” She breathed. “Raven…” He could barely croak out her name.
“Is he going to…” Shadow trailed off. Raven didn’t even notice her and Saber kneeling beside her.
“No. It is not his time to join us yet,” Axel replied.
Axel began to walk away when Raven called him back. “Wait.” Axel turned around. “What’s wrong?”
“Can Shadow go with you? She doesn’t belong in the Umbral Realm. She belongs in…” Raven hesitated. “...the Serenity Realm. Sure, she wasn’t that good when she was alive, but she has been a huge help to us. We wouldn’t have survived without her.”
Axel looked like he was deep in thought. “I suppose she wasn’t really sinister. Yes, why not?”
Shadow blushed. “Really? Thank you!”
Axel smiled warmly at her.
“Shadow.” Raven turned to see Dylan struggling to talk. “Before you go, thank you. I wouldn’t have survived without you,” he breathed. “I’m sorry I had to kill you.” Shadow turned as red as a tomato.
“It…was nothing,” she mumbled. “And it was either me or you. You deserve to live.”
“It was something. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never got to know you.”
“I understand,” Shadow smiled. “You belong with Raven. I know that now.”
Raven suddenly sprang up and wrapped her arms around Shadow. Tears began to fall from her eyes. “Thank you for everything. I’ll miss you.”
“You are so emotional!” Shadow snapped, but Raven could tell that her eyes were filled with tears as well. This was her destiny. Her’s and Shadow’s.
“Dylan, you should come and comfort your girlfriend,” Shadow teased playfully. Raven sighed, half-happily, half-annoyed. No matter what, Shadow always recovered her nature.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“What will you do about Figure?” Raven asked Axel. “Well, we aren’t Spellbounded anymore, so we’ll find a way to deal with him, no worries,” Axel replied. “Now, ready to go back?”
“Yes,” Raven said. She had enough of an adventure for now. Axel’s palms filled with a blue glow and it burst open. The dazzling light blinded Raven.
When her vision cleared, she found herself in her bed. Dazzling light broke through the window. She guessed it was early afternoon. Saber and Dylan were back in theirs. Dylan moaned with pain. “Hey, you okay?” Raven asked gently. “I’m fine, just give me a second.” He curled into a ball and took some deep breaths. He was really badly battered. Blood soaked his hoodie and pants and there were gashes along his body. “We should’ve waited until his wounds healed completely before going back in!” Saber groaned. It was true. Dylan’s wounds had reopened. “You do not seem okay,” Raven said. “I’m okay,” Dylan breathed, still clutching himself. “You are NOT okay!” Raven insisted. “Come on, we’re bringing you to the emergency room.”
Saber and Raven got bandaged and clean while Dylan was in the room. “Let’s go check on him,” Raven said. They walked to the emergency room. Dylan was lying there. He had changed into clean clothes, a black jacket and sweatpants. “Are you feeling better?” Saber asked. “Yes.” This time, Raven believed him. The blood was gone and he was bandaged up.
“Oh, and I forgot to give you this,” Raven said suddenly, taking off the pendant around her neck and handing it to Dylan. “Thanks,” Dylan replied. “Thorn would still want it, as long as she is alive, even maybe when she’s dead,” he added bitterly.
“It’s okay Dylan,” Raven said, feeling a sense of purpose. “We will be with you all the way.”
EPILOGUE
Thorn was red from fury. She stormed over to Snake. “You better not betray me too,” she snarled. “I-I won’t, ma’am,” he stammered. “Good, cause all of my assassins have betrayed me. You will be my FINAL assassin. If you don’t do as you’re told, then you will die!”
“Yes, Thorn,” Snake said with a bow.
“Good, good. I like this one,” Thorn hissed. “We will begin training right away. You will get the pendant when you are ready. You will kill without thought when I’m done with you. You will NOT betray me!”
READ THE NEXT BOOK!
COMING UP:
THREADS OF DESTINY, ECHOES OF THE PENDANT BOOK THREE: SNAKE’S VENOM
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Hi Cats! This is getting pretty intense, can't wait any longer to see what happens next.
You didn't have quotations here if she said the last part out loud.That was straight dragon FIRE
Chapter 10
I knew Shadow was going to save the day! I'm starting to like her character more and more. She seems quite capable in the Umbral Realm.
I wonder what caused Razor's spell to waver in that moment. I know seeing those you know can do that but I doubt it would effect all of them the same way. I also liked Axel's character and wish I could see a bit more of him.
The description of Shadow's hideout was great! You can sometimes gloss over certain descriptions of places (especially if only visited briefly), so I wanted to point out what a great job you did here. I love reading a story and seeing the author grow along the way.
It seems like every second chapter Dylan is getting beaten up. Sometimes being the main character do be like that. I still feel for him though, if only there was some water around...
Chapter 11
I liked your description of how Raven felt as she sneaks up on Razor. Then the line he says as he goes down almost made me chuckle at the irony. The villain often believes what they are doing is best for others while beating them up.
I love how, even in such a tense moment, meeting the first leader of Eclipse is enough to distract Raven and she has to be reminded about Dylan.
Shadow blushing as Dylan apologizes for killing her was sweet, and it made me wish I could have seen a hint of that during the fight. Something like her hesitating when about to stab him, her eyes softening for a moment which allows Dylan to gain the upper hand.
Awww! Them crying at the end with Shadow teasing Raven made me love Shadow's character even more. I really hope she is able to come back again in some way later on, however unlikely that may be.
Chapter 12
Not much to say other than this wraps up the story nicely. I like how Dylan tries to play it off. Sure he may have seen worse but that doesn't mean everything is ok.
Epilogue
Oof! I feel bad for Snake, though I wonder if he will actually become a threat when she's done with him.
Thorn may be scary and rule through fear, but once she can't threaten you, all her power disappears. That's why everyone who has the chance is likely to betray her.
Some loose scales
Chapter 10
Nothing grammar wise in this one but a couple story telling notes.
Saber seems to give up quickly on Dylan but I don't recall him being the type to give up so easily. If he was trying to play it up for Raven I would understand, but I may also just be misreading the character.
Second, Razor seemed so quick to kill Dylan earlier but now he took enough time for him to also lower his guard? It just seems a bit weird. Maybe if he had taunted him/beat him a bit when he captured him earlier that would make more sense.
Chapter 11
I liked your reasoning for why Raven had to be the one to do it, I just wish it was backed up by some earlier comment, like Shadow having to patch up Saber and herself with herbs while Raven says she is fine when they reach Shadow's hideout.
One comment on the kill of Razor. If she slit his throat he wouldn't be able to say anything but a gurgle. However, if she stabbed his heart... (unless you had a reason for the specific kill method).
When the leaders talk with Raven about Shadow joining them, it seems like this is some kind of afterlife and all parties knew this. But I thought this was like a dream dimension that the main cast had no idea what it was.
Chapter 12
Nothing much for this chapter. I was just curious why they didn't take Dylan to the nearest pool of water rather than the emergency room. When your character has easy access to a healing factor there should be a good reason they don't use it. Perhaps there's no pool within the tribe's walls and it would be dangerous to leave?
Epilogue
I wasn't sure if this was meant to be like a sneaky snake hiss or an angry hiss. If the former, having her pet him or some other seemingly gently act would help that come across.
As mighty wing soar overall
I can see you've improved your writing style and are showing consistency in how your characters act (which makes them feel more real).
This book ended well, though I wonder what, if any, fallout there will be. When a character says something like, "I was going to save the world" it begs the question of what they were going to save it from.
Final wisdom of the dragon friend
I don't like making my reviews about points but I am getting max of 100 for doing these and I currently need the points to post my own work. So the next few reviews may be a bit shorter. I will try to post all the helpful comments I can but the format will be a bit different.
May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.
Thank you so much for ur review and support and advice!!! Appreciate u on this journey!
I’m kinda confused why Raven even let herself be dragged back to safety without Dylan when her first words after they reached the safe haven are that she wants to go back for him.
Since all my previous criticism from the other chapters still stand (not enough time to establish the scene, not sure where all characters are, paragraphing issues), I want to focus on a few key things to show what I mean.
That sentence is very… unspecific. How is he trying to fight them off? What kinda expression is he making? Why is he failing? Are they too many? Are they using weapons? Is he hesitating to hurt them bc of the mind control? Just give me a little bit more detail.
I’m also surprised that after they waited so long, the enemy STILL hasn’t absconded with Dylan… Where are the other enemies?
Either you forgot the quotation marks or you’re using the wrong pronoun here ^^°
Again, you’re being very unspecific. I mentioned earlier that I was confused bc it seemed like Razor was all alone but I guess he still had some Spellbound with him and you’re trying to say that this person that walks up is one of the freed? It’s really, really hard to tell who is actually present. Just give yourself time to establish that person, where he comes from etc
I find it a bit hard to believe that “All my assassins have betrayed me and you are the last one” is a ground to be afraid of Thorn. You are literally her only one less, you are the special one, you can do it Snake 😊
Thanks so much for your feedback! Ur comments will be to good use!
Hiya, CATS! You're being blessed with another of Alex's infamous reviews. Yeehaw!
Some more points finally XD. C'mon I've been patient this long, don't blame me for looking out for my team's best interests.
Chapter 10
Shadow to the rescue it is! That was predictable, a satisfaction you don't give your reader that often so yes, I'm grateful lol
Dylan sacrifices himself as a distraction so the others could escape. Ughh, so foolishly heroic of him, but that's him alright. I'm curious though, as to how the spell broke. I feel like there's a upcoming plot that would explain it. I could feel Raven's reluctance to leave him behind from the other side of the screen, her pain is so agonizing to imagine. It's one thing to be hero and another to be the heroine, watching him risk his life and your heartbeat for the welfare of majority.
I liked the detail of camping, how the hideout is around water. I've read it's one of the biggest necessities while setting out a camp in the forest.
It must bring forth daunting memories to him.. Hold tight though Dylan, your friends are coming to your aid. Just a little longer.
Chapter 11
That's what I've been screaming since the beginning but go on, ignore me o.o
Aren't you a little too close to the enemy now, Shadow? Like really, this stumbled in your tiny brain now ehhh
Bruh, her boyfriend is held captive. Give the girl a break. But also, I like your rational thinking. Don't change, please ToT you're the only hope after both Dylan and Raven have started being all knowing after their heroic arcs, you're fine silly if it keeps you justifiable.
Zero confidence and yet flaunting! This is a great example of what I've been pinpointing, CATS! Either give her a backstory of when Axel trained her for it just to be safe, or show us her brimming raw anxiety. The absence of both is so contradictory on paper, it ruins the flow of appreciating the story progression.
While I'm not a fan of this unbacked destiny talk, I do like her growing as a heroine, battling alongside the hero. She's proving her worth to the readers. She shows us she's not just a girl with eyes for the hero, but is the heroine just as capable as him. I think it even makes them more of an equal match. In fact in this book, Raven is carrying most of the work and even saved Dylan from trouble multiple times, way to go!
Razor's easy death was untapped potential though. At least he should've given Raven a hard time, considering he was versed with the dagger while it was Raven's first time killing someone. Looks a little unrealistic to me, is all. He doesn't even struggle in his final moments, and meets death just like that.
Again, Raven somehow know there's a Serenity Realm. Such revelations are in desperate need of better organisation.
We're just introduced to Ansaldo, no real scene with him? Okay I'm disappointed this once. For someone meeting their idol, I'd expect a conversation at least.
Shadow's goodbye was bittersweet though. She's had some food character development, helping out Dylan and the Eclipse tribe. It's shame noone took the effort to get to know her while she was alive.
Chapter 12
I'm a little puzzled as to how Axel had the power to send them back to reality. Just another one of your unexplained mysteries I suppose.
See, this is understandable. I understand there's a power to love, you know when someone you care for is lying just so you don't worry. There's no reason here either as to why Raven didn't believe him before but now does but it's readable on basis of by human emotions being relatable to the reader. The more technical things though, they require more of a context and clarifications.
Rather short, so couldn't find anything useful to comment.
Epilogue
Thorn is pretty agitated, I'm quaking in my boots out of her fear XD. So Snake's next, betting he'd go the way his predecessors did lol.
Overall, I found the overall storyline of the second book a big flawed and hefty in its flow. A lot of the plot themes aren't explained or explored, leaving the reader confused at instances. I must admit, I liked the first book much better as it has more of a definite plot and better flow. But on it's own, book 2 stands as an above average decent read. Having a blast reviewing this series, you're seeing me again very soon.
Regards
Alex
Thank you for the suggestions! It%u2019s true, I shouldn%u2019t have rushed so hard lol. I will keep that in mind.
Thank you for the suggestions! It%u2019s true, I shouldn%u2019t have rushed so hard lol. I will keep that in mind.
Thank you for the suggestions! It%u2019s true, I shouldn%u2019t have rushed so hard lol. I will keep that in mind.
Thank you for the suggestions! It%u2019s true, I shouldn%u2019t have rushed so hard lol. I will keep that in mind.