Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
*This story is underneath my folder titled “Clowns, magic, murder, and lies”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
John and Penelope were upstairs in their bedroom, sorting through old memorabilia from the time they went to the carnival. They had it kept in a box after they were married, but never got around to taking the stuff out.
Nova wouldn’t come home for some time, so they could take out all of their tokens.
Penelope lingered on her unicorn. The fur was a little faded and covered with dust, but it still looked up at her with innocent black eyes.
John tripped over something on the ground, bringing Penelope back from her mind.
Penelope turned around and saw John on the ground, pulling a pant leg up. On the ground next to him was the souvenir ice cream bowl. It was amazing, how it wasn’t broken.
John’s knee only had a bruise, thank goodness.
“Penelope, could you help me?” John asked.
Penelope sighed. Not that again.
“I can’t, remember?”
“I know you can. Just try.”
Penelope looked at John’s trusting, kind eyes. They were so honest, so full of love.
Penelope knelt next to John and raised her hands above the bruise.
Skin would have to come together, making the spot disappear, knee back to restoration.
But what if she messed up? What if she made him bleed? What if she made his blood spill all over?
The bruise opened up into a cut, red liquid seeping out onto dark skin.
Penelope had hurt him again.
“John, I didn’t mean to-“
“I know. You were trying to help me.”
“Why did you-“
“Because I love you.”
“Mom? Dad?” Nova asked, walking up the stairs.
So Nova had come home already? Penelope didn’t even notice.
“Go downstairs, Nova!” Penelope called out.
“But-“
“Now!” She yelled. She didn’t want Nova to see what had happened.
Penelope heard Nova run downstairs, to her room. She would make it up to her later with ice cream.
“I’ll get the first aid kit.“ John said softly. He knew how she was hurt and it pained Penelope with how much he cared.
She didn’t deserve him.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello! Ley here to review this awesome piece for you! I'm using my fantasy themed review method today. I hope this review helps in more ways than one. Let's get into it!
A Journey Begins:
This seems like a cute short story about Penelope, who seems to have cool healing abilities, and John, her husband. I really loved this dynamic and it was such a fun read. Let's get into the specifics on why I liked this so much:
Glimmers in The Gloom:
I have soo many things I loved about this short story. I like how you focused on one scene instead of jumping around-- you were able to focus on the details of how this scene effects them or describes their relationship in such a short amount of words. I really loved the dynamic of the two-- how John is loving and patient, and how Penelope seems to have this underlying sense of anxiety and guilt for hurting him (even though it wasn't intentional, of course). Wonderful job giving us just enough without giving too much away!
I also really loved this last line:
I found this so cute yet heart-wrenching. This was such a good way to end this short story!
Magic Upgrades:
I don't have any recommendations for this piece. You captured all the elements, couldn't find any grammar mistakes worth mentioning, and the dialogue was on point. <3
The Final Enchantment:
Overall, I found this to be such a good read. I want to read more of them, which I'm sure you've published already, so I'll be sure to go and check the rest of them out. Thanks for publishing!
Thank you for taking time to read this review! I hope you have a lovely day <3
So glad you enjoyed!
Hey again, Vampricone! It's been a while. I thought I'd drop in to leave a review for this short story.
Before reviewing this, I read "John's Cut," so I'm going in with some context. Overall, I find this story incredibly sweet, though I am significantly worried about John's taste in women and his self-esteem levels. Mostly because of "John's Cut," this one isn't as worrying. You do a great job showing the interaction between these two characters and how Penelope's powers impact their daily life. It's a simple story, but it's very convincing. With that said, let's dive in.
Small thing, the bolded word should be "on."
This line is very sweet, but John we don't let our partners make us bleed because we love them. Take care of yourself, man. Go see a therapist.
I'm glad to see that the sweetness applies to their daughter too. Very heart-warming. However, that comma shouldn't be there.
Overall, I liked this story! I'm wondering about where this arc is going and if Penelope will learn to control her powers or if John's willingness to get hurt is only going to cause things to escalate. Good job! Thanks for publishing; I enjoyed reading.
Happy Writing!
Wist
Glad you enjoyed!