Hi! We'll get to the poem in a sec. First, I haven't posted anything on YWS in forever and ever! Honestly, I probably won't start up again, but I felt like posting this today. I'm in a strange mood.
I've basically always
written about things that I want to happen,
the ideas that I'm afraid
won't actually come to pass.
But lately, more and more,
I've been writing about the things
I don't want, too.
The things that seem more likely.
So maybe if I write about
the things that I don't want
they won't happen
just like the things that I do.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,003 Literary Works • 672,791 Reviews
Aww! You should keep posting poems just like this one, because it was fantastic!
The topic is very clever. I have written fanfictions because I want these things to happen, and of course they don't. Never did I think of writing about bad things in the hope that they wouldn't come to be either. So that is an extremely cool concept.
I don't have any nitpicks so I thought I'd try and think of a way that you could make this even better. I came up with the idea of using italics to emphasize some words. You could use italics on 'want' in the second sentence and 'won't' in the second to last one. Just an idea. But the poem is still perfect without it.
Thank you so much!
Hi, unsocialbutterfly! It is sad to hear you won't start uo again. There are so many opportunities on this website that need need discovering -^^-
But I'm not here to criticize you. I'm here to review your work.
Can I just say, the side not/authors note needs to be in bod to differentiate between the work and the text
Usually, Em-Dashes (--) are used to show a break in thought or an interruption or pause. Which in this instance is needed
Slight adjustment needs to be made here. Like so: "I don't want to". x)
What things will seem more likely? I felt a bit lost when you put this, like there was something missing that needed to be filled in. I was thinking maybe that you were trying to say that the things that you write are more likely or more common, but I wasn't quite sure if I'm right or wrong. Please tell me otherwise. I just think you either need to make it clear or add onto it.
The last lines <3 this is so true. Things you don't want to happen (awful, serious and personal things) don't occur and yet things that you really want to happen... Don't. It is both good and bad, and I liked how you flipped the coin and told us about both sides of the coin so to speak. That was great.
I like how you also related it to your writing life. It was nice to see a change in themes. I really enjoyed this poem. It was refreshing. Great job.
Yours sincerely,
Traunt
Hey Traunt!
I really appreciate it. I was trying to say the things I don't want to happen seem more likely. I hope that makes a little more sense. Thank you so much for the nice words. I do love YWS. I'm sure it'll always be in my back pocket. 
Thank you for the very detailed review!
Hello unsocialbutterfly! Unknown391625 here with another review!
I think this is a good poem. I like your small prologue at the beginning (even though it's not apart of the poem,) but anyways, I like it. Punctuation is really nice, but I have just two problems. My first problem is that you put a hyphen on your second line. The other problem is on your ninth line is you began that line with the word because. You never want to begin something with the word because. Otherwise, I really like your poem. Good punctuation, correct in grammar, very nice and simple. Good job! I want to see more of your poetry. Don't give up and always write!
-Unknown391625
Thank you so much!